It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas!!

Good Morning Campers!!

It's a lovely chilly morning here in Florida..our tree is up and the outside decorations are done..the lights are up..today I just need to finish hanging ornaments on the tree and decorate the Florida room. As you know I love Christmas but I'm afraid my hubby is an old scrooge..he really upset me Sunday because he didn't even want to put up lights this year because we are going to England...BUT...we don't leave until the 21st of December!! I want to enjoy the warmth and coziness of my house all decorated...so he and Ryan hung the lights outside but when I went out to look they had just thrown them up..it looked awful..I was so mad! I had to get out of there before I lost it totally...I just don't understand sometimes..I don't ask for a lot..I do absolutely everything around here..if I could hang the lights myself I would have...sometimes I think my husband is really really selfish...he has gotten worse over the years...for the most part i just roll with it but my feelings were hurt Sunday..anyway moving on the house looks great and I am happy...:-)

Only 3 weeks till we go to England..I am really excited..hoping for some snow..ready to visit all my family..do some sight seeing and enjoy all the things I miss from home...the last time we all went as a family was in 2006 and it was marred by our house being broken into..we have since got an alarm system and one of Lester's friends is going to be house sitting..he got divorced and is living in an RV at the moment so I think he will enjoy being in a house for Christmas..he has children too so it will nice for them too..more room...

Things are going well at my job..working retail this time of year is crazy but fun...I am glad I am only doing part time that's for sure..

Hope all is well with you and yours...I am loving the AOL JLand group on FaceBook..maybe I will blog more now...:-)

Thanks for reading... L xx

Happy Birthday in Heaven Mum x

Today would have been my mums 75th birthday.

As you know I did not have the greatest of relationships with my Mum.She was moody, miserable, bitchy a lot of the time. She was also very funny, kind hearted, great with old people..would give you the shirt off her back.. great sense of humour..we once almost got thrown off a bus for the uncontrollable giggles caused by a man sitting opposite us with this huge bandage on his nose..one look at him and her and I were off...it was terrible!! the more we tried to stop the worse it got... LOL She cried at the Walton's and Little House on the Prairie.. she loved dogs..we had a Red Setter called Tramp for 14 years.. she walked him 3 miles every day..sometimes twice...she could do cartwheels, juggle, ride a motorbike, never learned to drive..she tried a few times but always gave up she was way too nervous.. she made Christmas very very special.. she would begin "hoarding" food as early as September..she kept it all under the stairs...she loved Malteasers (English candy similar to whoppers) she smoked..in her later years rolled her own to save money.. I saw her get into at least 3 fist fights with women...she had a terrible temper...one time this girl was after me..said I had been after her boyfriend..my Mum drug her out the pub by her hair and told her she ever so much as looked at me wrong she would be back... ;-) She loved Country and Western music and dancing and slot machines. she was the life and soul of the party and no one would ever believe the way she was at home..she was terrified of Doctors, hospitals and had a morbid fear of choking.. she chewed her food into tiny pieces to avoid that....if we ever got hurt as kids she would go get the neighbours because she would panic......she once knocked two ornaments together while dusting and smashed them and cut her palms badly..she had to have stitches and they pretty much had to put her to sleep to do them..LOL...she was always dusting, hoovering, would come in on a Saturday morning when I was trying to sleep in and open the curtains and the bloody windows and start hoovering around me...LOL.. she would spit on a hanky and wipe off my face as a kid ewwwwwwwwww...she was only just 5' tall..she was one of twins..her twin died at birth..she was born in a workhouse..she only weighed 2lb.. she never met her dad he was an alcoholic and died of Cirrhosis of the liver.. her family was very poor.. she had 2 sisters and 3 brothers...hr real name was Diana but everyone called her babe as she was the youngest.. I once watched her and her sister get into a fight..my dad and my uncle had to separate them with a water hose...LOL.. she was very very passionate... she would defend us kids to the very end...looking back I can see we had far more happy times than sad...but when I reached puberty that was it..we fought on and off for years..she seemed to be jealous of me..she begrudged me the relationship I had with my dad..she felt like it was us against her...the things she said and did to me were awful..she hit me..she calld me all the names under the sun...she hated with the same passion she loved...but at the end of the day I can say that she loved me and she did her best...she grew up in a time when you didn't talk about women's problems, depression was not an option, I know she suffered from it though, and I know she had a terrible time with menopause but never asked for help... and I can admit I was a typical moody teenager. I just wish things could have been different.. I wish we could have had the kind of relationship I have with my daughter... that is the one good thing that came out of it..I was determined to not be the way she was...

Anyways...

No Happy Returns Mum...just happy memories till we meet again..night night God Bless....

Lyn

Thankful Thursday...

Good Morning Campers!!!

Hope this finds you all feeling well and enjoying life..I haven't done a Grateful Post lately but woke up this morning feeling blessed and happy so here we go!!

1. Thankful for waking up feeling well and happy!

2.. Not having to go to work this morning!

3...The wonderful time we had at the lake this past weekend with our friends who generously share their RV and Boat with us!!!

4.... Wonderful visit with my Dad and my BFF...having 3 extra people in your home for 15 days is not always easy but it was fun and for the most part stress free..

5..... Our upcoming trip to England for Christmas!! Can't wait!

6...... For the cooler temps!! Love Florida in the fall!

7....... Good Books!

8........My face has almost 100% healed..I have scars but nothing I can't live with...

9......... My health...so many people don't have that...I have a few aches and pains here and there but I know I am blessed...

10.......... My warm comfy bed this morning..sitting here connecting with the world from my Lap Top feeling pretty darn good! Looking forward to the day ahead..probably gonna go for a mooch round the shops..maybe spend some time reading outside....putter around the house a little and then dinner with my beautiful family..I have a lot to be grateful for....

Thanks for reading...

L xx

Pepe June 2010 - October 2011

My little dog was killed Saturday by my neighbour's Pit Bull...

My Face after my fall on Sept. 17th 2011

These were taken the day after and one week later....

Catching up...

Good Morning Campers!!

Wow..has it really been 2 months since I updated? I have no idea where the time has gone..here we are 10 weeks from Christmas already! A lot has been happening in Lyn's world..some good..some not so good and some just awful. Before I write any thing else may I please ask that anyone who reads this blog not address the subjects written here on my Facebook page..while my blog is not private there are some things I feel are not apropiate for FB. Thank you.

I am working again..just 3 mornings a week..I love it..I feel like I am contributing to the household and yet still have time to keep my house up and have a life.

My dad and my BFF and her hubby came over for a visit from England..we had a great time..I will post pics soon. We are all going home for Christmas this year..it has been 5 years since we all went home at the same time..and it has been three years since I was last home. We are hoping for snow... :-)

I had an accident..I fell down some stairs and broke my nose and had a concussion and 40 stitches in my face..not my finest moment for sure..I have pretty much healed but it has been very traumatic for me...your face is your face after all...

There is one more piece of bad news but I will have to report that later as my daughter is away for the weekend and I cannot risk her finding out before I have had a chance to tell her in person..I did not want to ruin her weekend so haven't told her yet...

The weather here in Florida is delightful..I love this time of year..how do you like the look of my Blog? Thought it could do with a change.. :-)

Hubby and I are off out for breakfast here shortly and then for a drive..our hearts are heavy and we need to get out the house...

I hope everyone reading is doing well and enjoying the weather..I know most of us here in the states welcome the cooler temps...

As always thanks for reading..I must try to write more often..

L xx

Happy Anniversary J Land!!!

Good Morning Campers!!!

Happy Anniversary to good old J Land!!...

J Land was the first place I kept an online Journal....most of you reading this came from there..it was an amazing community...(I miss the ping of the alerts as I got a comment!! ) We wrote about our every day lives..our good times our bad...we were a part of each others lives..we were a family..if someone didn't post for a couple of days we checked up on them...it was so nice to sit down in front of the computer and know that there was someone out there...we posted photos..made tags... answered Memes..decorated our pages for the holidays..sent each other Christmas cards...it was incredible...I am not sure why we didn't keep this up on Blogger but we didn't..one by one we quit writing..granted there are a few of us who still blog daily..Heather and Sonya and "on ya Ma" and of course Guido come to mind...but most of us drifted away..we have managed to find each other on Face Book for which I am grateful but I still miss the intimacy of J Land..I for one do not post a whole lot of personal stuff on FB...it's such an open forum..it's not the same as writing in your Journal..well that's how I feel anyway..I still do an occasional post in this blog but no one seems to read it anymore and while we are supposed to be writing for ourselves you all know we love our readers and getting comments!!

So Happy Anniversary to J Land...I miss all of you..thanks Guido for making us dust off our keyboards and actually write something!!!!

See you all on FB!!! LOL

L xx

Thankful Thursday

Good Morning Campers!!

Been a while since I did a Thursday Thankful Post but seeing as I have a lot to be thankful for these days I thought I would post..:-)

Thankful my son finally got off his butt and got his drivers License... :-)

Thankful we were able to buy him a '99 jeep Cherokee...

Thankful that his insurance isn't too expensive and better still he can afford it!

Thankful for St. Johns Wort and the improvement it has made in my well being..

Thankful for the part time job I found...just 3 mornings a week.....

Thankful for A/C during this brutal summer we are having...

Hope everyone is having a great week! TGIFT!!!!

L xx

Hawaii April 2011

Just wanted to get a few pics up from our trip of a lifetime to Waikiki Beach in April. I have hundreds more...:-)

L xx

Happy 4th July!!

Happy Fourth July Folks!!

Things have improved around here you will be glad to know.

My mood for one.... :-)

I have been taking St. John's Wort for 2 weeks now and feel energized and more importantly I have my happy back...yes my happy bubbly fun loving self is back!!!

Everyone is very happy but no one more so than me.

That was a dark dark place folks...one I don't wish to go back to but if I ever do I will seek help the very first day and not let it over take me EVER again.

Enough about THAT.

I have 200 followers? WHAT?? since when? and where the devil are ya?? Doesn't following mean you get a notice that I have posted?? Hmmm...sometimes I think that no one is out there but I as I am no longer a comment whore I won't beg for comments...

The hubby is golfing today..I have just cleaned the house and done 3 loads of laundry and then I'm off to lay by the pool and read my lovely juicy chick lit book..can't remember the name of it and can't be bothered to go look..LOL...we kind of celebrated the 4th over the weekend and today is just a normal day for us as hubby and kids have work tomorrow... we went to Flagler Beach to our friends beach house Saturday..stayed overnight and then yesterday we hung out by the pool..grilled out and watched our crazy neighbours let off Fireworks even though we have a Burn ban and we are not supposed to have personal Fireworks this year...

So there you have it..the crazy Brit is back to her old self...I truly appreciate your kind words...it is nice to have a place to come and vent...I need to write more...it's another thing I gave up and it does make feel better so look for more posts from moi... :-)

TTFN... L xx

June 22nd..where to start..

It's been so long I don't even know where to start..and for some reason I never seem to want to share when things are not so good. But.....

I am in a RUT.

I am miserable.

I cannot seem to snap out of it. I have no reason per se to feel this way but I do and I am doing my best to get a grip on it. I am seriously considering going to a Dr....that's how low I have been feeling. Blogging about it is my last attempt to see if I can get to feeling better on my own.

Hubby was away for 19 months this last time ..stationed in Guam. He did come home on several occasions but I was alone most of that time. I kind of turned into a hermit and let a lot of friendships go. Totally my fault..you say no enough times people stop asking you to do things. I had a job for 8 of those months..then that was taken away from me ..but it's not that...if I was content in myself being home wouldn't be the issue...I just can't seem to find my joy..I used to love to get up..get the housework done then work on one of my little "hobbies" ..reading..colouring..drawing...browsing thrift stores...garden shops..go to the Beach..go to the lake...lay out by the pool but lately I don't want to do any of it...and things with hubby are just blah...I looked forward to him coming home for so long and we had a fabulous vacation in Hawaii but ever since we came home we are in a rut...yes we go out one night a week...but to the same old places...we have out friends that we get together with but not that often..everyone is retiring and moving ... maybe it's this phase of our lives...I don't know but it seems like hubby and I are living the same lonely life we did when we were apart..he sits in one room watching TV or playing video games and I sit in another doing my thing...he plays golfs and goes to Trivia nights with his buds....we don't even go to bed at the same time..we have lost that intimacy too...

Writing this I can predict the advice..reconnect as a couple..stay busy...reach out to your friends...trust me if I wish I could..I just don't feel like doing it...every day I try to talk myself into a good mood..tell my self I'm going to this this and that today..but it doesn't work...

I am hoping that writing this post will be the first step in admitting I have a problem..please don't link this to Face book..while my blog is public I am not ready for it to be THAT public...thanks...and thanks for listening...not that I think anyone even reads Blogs anymore...

L xx

28th May..

Today is my 28th Wedding Anniversary.. Happy Anniversary baby..so glad you're home for this one..it is also the 8th Anniversary of my Mum's passing...I still miss her..because we lived so far apart and I didn't see her very often it was very very difficult for me to accept that she really was gone..I just kept thinking of her in the way that I think of all my family..I usually think of them several times a day.. I will look at the time and figure out what time it is in England and think about what they might be doing..It didn't really hit me until I went home last year and she wasn't there at the airport..or at their house.. and when I finally saw her headstone it hit me..she really was dead...it was very hard for me.. we didn't have the best of relationships..my Mum had issues..I think in all honesty she suffered from depression and definitely went through something when she hit menopause.. I wonder what she may have been like if she got help..she was sooooooooooooooo moody and bitchy and mostly took it out on me.. that is why when I act that way I am terrified I am turning in to her.. the one way to totally piss me off is to say I am acting like my Mother..which DH will do if he really really wants to get to me... We did get along better later in life..when I had moved away.. but she still took things out on me..I remember one fo the the last times I was home she hit me across the face in front of my kids.. my daughter screamed at her to stop..my dad was mortified and everyone got to see how it was growing up in my house.. the only good thing that came out of it was the fact that I was and still am determined to have a better relationship with my own daughter.. and I am so happy to say that we are best friends.. I don't always agree with her choices but I do not judge her or give her ultimatums.. I love her unconditionally....I can only remember my Mum telling me she loved me maybe twice in my whole life...one was when I saw her last before her illness.. I am grateful for that... so Mum you may be gone but you are not forgotten.. and I forgive you for everything.. I know you did the best you could and you loved me in your own way....good night god bless.......

5 years

Today marks the 5 year Anniversary of "Brits Blog"!! So much has changed over the years... between J Land closing it doors and Face Book becoming THE social network hardly anyone seems to blog anymore..I certainly don't write as much as I used to but I for one love being able to look back ...it's all here...and I have to say after reminiscing this morning I am encouraged to blog more often.. Hope everyone is having a smashing weekend..I'm getting ready for hubby's homecoming and our trip....I'm positively giddy!! LOL.. Happy Sunday!! L xx

Panic Attack??

So..I think I had a panic attack..I hope that's what it was..let me explain.. As you know we are off to Hawaii next week..the hubby is coming home after 19 month overseas...I've kinda got a lot going on..so when I got this cold/allergy thing I was afraid it was turning into bronchitis or worse so I was self-medicating with some Antibiotics I had left over and some over the Counter Mucinex...on top of that I had a diet Mountain Dew yesterday and a large iced coffee...I woke up at 11.30 last night and felt like I was choking..I sat up and then I felt this "buzzing" in my head and I could feel my heart pounding in my ears..I took my pulse and it was 160 bpm!! I honestly thought I was dying...I went into my daughters room and woke her up and asked her to sit with me for a minute because I didn't want to die alone! She got up and I told her to wait just a minute before calling an Ambulance...I put my head between my knees for a minute..ate a piece of bread..(no idea why) and drank a glass of water and walked around and the feeling went away...I was left feeling very emotional..weepy...tired and faint...but okay...I didn't want to be alone...I sat with the kids for a while then made a cup of tea and went back to bed...after doing some research and talking a to a few people it would appear I had a panic attack..I panicked in reaction to how I was feeling I guess? Anyway I feel okay today..apart from this fear that it will happen again..i have had no caffeine today..no meds and have taken it easy... Has anyone reading this had experience with Panic/Anxiety attacks? I would love to hear your thoughts... L xx

FYI

I don't know what Blogger's problem is but it ran my previous post into one huge paragraph! I have attempted to edit it but it's still doing it. :-( Oh well... maybe this one will look right?? Happy Saturday!! L xx

Thankful Thursday

Good Morning Campers! I decided to do a thankful post this morning because I have been sick all week with a cold and today I finally feel better and am so grateful...just a simple thing like a cold can make you appreciate the small things in life...I haven't been anywhere at all except to pick my son up from work..I have been stuck in the house too because the weather has been cloudy and rainy..it has been one dull week all round! So...here are a few things I am thankful for today...... 1. Feeling better..thought I might have to go to the Dr. yesterday but today I feel so much better and I can tell I'm on the mend and it was just a nasty viral thing... 2..For my Laptop... 3... My DVR service through the cable company...I get to watch the shows I like when I like... 4....That the Tornado warning yesterday was just that..we did see some rain and wind but thankfully no Tornado.. 5.....That the sun is supposed to return tomorrow and I might even make it to the Beach..:-) 6......Blogs..I have enjoyed reading some great ones this week.... 7.......3 weeks from today I am going to Hawaii!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Have a great weekend! L xx

Spring Break...

For those of you not on FaceBook..here is where I went for our mini Spring Break..it was incredibly relaxing..only 30 minutes from my house..and has me even more in the mood for our "real" vacation next month... :-)

L xx

Happy Birthday to me!!

So it was my Birthday!!
I think perhaps the last one I'll be happy about..next year is the big 5-0!! Not looking forward to that one at all...I had a good time it was my sons friends birthday too..he turned 21 so we went to the local Pub on the river for a few drinks and some nibbles and then back here. It was a fun night and I thought it kind of cool that the youngsters wanted to hang out with this old broad!

I've been working in the back yard..it's starting to look good..the grass is slowly coming in green..the Azaleas are in full bloom and the birds have returned..Ryan replaced the landscape timbers around two of my flower beds out front and all the hanging baskets have been replanted..I have 16 in all!!

This week is spring break here in Florida..I am hoping to get a night in a hotel on the beach with my friend Jen and her daughter for a mini getaway ..she is 6 and the idea of a night in a hotel on the Beach with a pool etc is so cool!!

One month to go till hubby gets home...starting to feel real now...for him and for me...looking forward to our Holiday now too...life is pretty good right now in my neck of the woods I have to say...

On that note I wish you all a great week...

L xx

Morning!

Good Morning Campers!!

I was going to add some pics to this bland blog but blogger ain't having it so never mind.

This post will all over the place but that's okay...that's how my head is these days.. the Tsunami/Earthquake this weekend did a number on me..Hubby lives in Guam..he did live in Japan for 6 months..we are going to Hawaii next month for a holiday..all of this is just a little too close for comfort for me but hubby assures me we will be okay...I am trying not to let it put a damper on my excitement... I have stopped looking at the constant news coverage but I will say that Japan is handling this whole catastrophe with quiet calm and dignity and respect for their fellow sufferers...nothing like the way the animals acted in New Orleans... just saying.. and I am not turning a blind eye to what is happening I just need not work myself up to the point where this hard earned holiday hubby has planned for us isn't ruined by me panicking..

I had a wonderful weekend by the way..spent most of it outside puttering in the garden..re-potting all my containers and hanging baskets..cleaned the pool..filled the bird feeders...and of course read by the pool :-) And thanks to putting out clocks forward I can actually be out there till about 7.30pm now...I love this time of year...

Speaking of reading if you like a good Beachy read I recommend Elin Hilderbrand..I have been reading her all weekend..her books are mostly set in Nantucket..her characters fly off the page and become instant friends..I can picture myself hanging out with these people... that's how a book should make you feel..like you are meeting an old friend when you turn the pages...

Well enough of my prattle this morning..hope everyone is well and enjoying some spring like weather...I'm hoping to get to the beach again this week..oh and I just heard that my Dad is coming over when my best friend from England comes in October..she is such a love to bring him because he won't travel on his own..can't say as I blame him..he is turning 78 after all bless him...

L xx

Phew!

Wow!

That thirty day challenge was HARD!! and in case you didn't notice there were even a couple of days missing....I guess the post I copied and pasted were missing them...trust me I didn't mind! Some of the questions had me digging deep in a place I don't really like to go ..it's hard answering questions about yourself...but I finished it!!

Life is plodding along here..the weather is typically fickle this time of year..Yesterday I was on the beach soaking up the sun and watching the surfers and today it's chilly and raining! The count down is on for hubby to get home and I am an emotional wreck...I am looking forward to having him home but I am also apprehensive..he has been gone a long time and we have settled into a routine here..I haven't had to share my home or life with anyone and wonder how it's all going to go...I pretty much come and go as I please and am used to doing what I like without having to consider someone else's feelings..same with him..he hasn't been in a household for a while either...but we have done this plenty of times before and it will all work it's self out I'm sure...

I hope you enjoyed my 30 days and learned some new things about me... ;-)

take care...

L xx

Day Thirty

Write yourself a letter telling EVERYTHING you love about yourself...

Dear Self..

I love that you are a great Mum.. whose kids adore you...that you are a wonderful wife who has stood by your husband through 28 years of marriage..nursed him through cancer..that you left all your family and friends behind to follow him to America...that you take care of absolutely everything in the household..the finances..the housework..the kids..the dogs...that all he has to do is take care of the yard and you even help him with that...I love that you are a kind and loyal friend who will defend your friends to the end...that you have helped out your friends in their time of need..that you can keep their secrets..that they trust you...I love that you are funny...cute..sassy have great hair and are so much fun to be around...that you take pride in your home...you are a pretty decent cook and feed all your kid's friends...you always put the family first..you make Christmas a magical time and have created wonderful memories for your kids...mostly I love you because you are YOU!

L xx

Day Twenty Nine

Something you would like to change about yourself and why...

Well the main thing is my appearance but you can read about that in Day One's entry ...:-)

I would like more patience and I would also like to be more carefree..most people see me as fun loving..bubbly ..outgoing but what they don't see is the me that worries a lot..spends her days alone...turns down invitations to do things because of her fear of driving..and is actually pretty lonely and sad a lot of the time...I am hoping that when hubby returns I will come back out of my shell a bit and get back to normal..I never used to be like this...I just used to go with the flow but lately I always seem to talk myself out of everything and I don't know why..I think I am just in a bit of a rut and I need to change that...


L xx

Day Twenty Eight

What if you were pregnant?

Well not much chance of that these days because:

1. Hubby lives in Guam right now...
2. He's had a Vasectomy..
3. And I'm going through Menopause...

BUT if I got pregnant right now I'd be secretly very very happy and would have the baby of course!!

L xx

Day Twenty Seven

What's the best thing going for you right now?

I'm in a good place right now..hubby is 6 weeks away from moving back home..he finally got orders to a Command close to home..he will be finishing up his Military career in the next 2 years..then he retires with 30 years under his belt...when he gets here he is taking me to Hawaii for a week...I am so excited..it will be a chance for us to reconnect away from home and just enjoy some alone time ....these past couple of years have been lonely for the both of us and I am looking forward to having my partner home and being able to do all the things we both have missed...just the simple things like going shopping for plants for the garden..going for a drink ..out to dinner..walks...just having someone to share life with...I am very blessed I live in beautiful sunny Florida.. have a nice house with a lovely back garden and swimming pool..two beautiful "kids" but people forget what a sacrifice my hubby and I have made to have this lifestyle...He has had to be away from his home and family and I have had all the responsibilities of running the house and family and also helped look after my father-in-law for the last year of his life...we have managed but sometimes I ask at what price? But now he will be home and it feels pretty darn good... :-)

L xx

Day Twenty Six

Have you ever thought about giving up on life?

I have suffered with mild depression on and off over the years..I have had a few hard knocks so to speak..I have been very lonely at times... my hubby has been gone a lot due to his career and there have been times when I was in a very dark place...I can't say that I actually considered suicide but I have thought about my own death..how my family would react.what my funeral would be like..who would come to it...and when things have seemed impossible I will admit I have thought well if it gets that bad I could just kill myself but I don't think I could actually do it..I think if we're honest this is something we've all thought about at one time or another....

L xx

Day Twenty Five

The reason you think you're still alive today

I haven't had any really close calls..sometimes I think back to my crazy younger days when I would travel abroad with my girlfriends and spend two weeks partying in Spain or Italy or somewhere and wonder how I survived wandering around in a foreign country late at night worse for the wear..I think about it now and we were so stupid but at the time we were young and invincible LOL... I am lucky that I haven't had any major illnesses or been in any car accidents either..I guess it's just not my time yet...

(Hope I haven't just jinxed myself!)

L xx

Day twenty Three..

Something you wish you had done in your life...

Taken the time to enjoy things more in the moment...I look back and realise that a lot of the things I did and all the places I have travelled and all the opportunities I have had that I haven't really appreciated...I am lucky in that I have been able to do most of the things I ever wanted.. there isn't really one thing that I feel I've missed out on or wished I did...the older I get the faster life is going by so I am trying to live life to the fullest and enjoy it...


On that note I am off to the beach today!

L xx

Day Twenty two

Something you wish you hadn't done in your life.....

This is hard...I try not to have too may regrets..what is done is done really and you can't change it anyway so you just have to learn from it and move on but the one thing I wonder about and wish perhaps I hadn't done is move to another country at such a young age.. I was 21.. I was young and in love and didn't really give it a second thought..he asked and I said yes and without so much as a backward glance got on a plane and flew to America leaving behind everything and everyone I knew...we didn't really have a plan..he had joined the navy and we were going to see how it went...I got pregnant 8 months after we got here and from that point on we were a family and staying in the service seemed the right idea...hubby has done so well in his Military career and the navy has been good to us but I do think I have missed out on having family close by..my kids did not grow up with their cousins and grandparents, aunts and uncles..I didn't get any support from anyone other than my friends..I had to grow up and get tough fast...I love my life but I do wonder how it would have been if I had stayed home...

L xx

Day Twenty One

Your best friend got in a car accident ..you had a fight an hour before..what would you do?

Go to her bedside no questions asked...my BF and I know each other inside and out and a silly fight would not prevent be from being there for her...

P.S. I'll be glad when I'm done with this 30 day challenge..jeez!! LOL

L xx

Day Twenty

Your views on Drugs and Alcohol..

Well I think marijuana should be legalised and drinking in moderation is fine. Anything done in excess will cause problems. I have seen what addiction does to a family..there are way more addicted housewives driving around bombed on "legal" pain pills than you would care to know..bet there are a few in your school pick up lane...I think the legal drinking age needs to be dropped to 18..you don't see too many 21 year olds drinking to excess once they can do it whenever they want as opposed to bingeing when they can find someone to buy it for them...

L xx

Day Nineteen

What do you think of Religion?

Growing up in England you were either Church of England (Protestant) or Catholic..if you were the latter you went to a different Elementary school..so I grew up with religion as part of the Curriculum..we had assembly's where we sang hymns and said the lords prayer..we knew the significance of Easter..what happened Easter Sunday..same as the story of Jesus and Mary and Bethlehem..we did plays at Christmas...it was just part of school..I also went to Sunday School for years...everyone was christened as babies...most people got married in church...we never really thought about it..everyone one in the village knew the Vicar..he would come and have a drink in the pub on occasion...what I'm trying to say is it was no big deal..it was just a part of life..I got a bit of a shock when I came over to the states..there is a different church on every corner..some are in store fronts in strip malls..one day it's a Chinese take away next week a church..stick a banner up saying "New fellowship of God Church" and there you have it...people will show up and start handing over their money ..it baffles me...there are so many different religions here too..Baptist..Southern Baptist..Born again Christians..Pentecostal (actually they had that in England too) Episcipal..Lutherans..Presbytarians..New Age...the trend around here is these big churches that are "trendy" run their services on huge flat screens..have rock bands..wear trendy "God" t shirts...it all seems a bit commercialised to me...and there are some real hypocrites too..act like fools all week go to church on Sundays and repent and all is forgiven...and the snobbery in these places is unreal...give me the old school church...a good story from the bible..and few hymns and a cup of tea and a chat afterwards... :-)

On a deeper note I am envious of people who truly "believe" I don't..I have tried..I have been to a lot of different churches..the message is the same..you have to believe..just open your heart to the lord and he will come...pray for forgiveness..look you can't fake believing so I guess I will keep trying to find "it" whatever it is..I pray.. I always have..I like to think there is a heaven and one day I will see my loved ones again...I would love to have the kind of faith that I see in some people..their absolute joy in their beliefs..it must be awesome...

L xx

Day Eighteen

Your views on Gay marriage..

My sister-in-law is gay..she and her partner have 5 children..they consider themselves married although it was not a "legal" marriage..I have many gay friends..I think any two people should be able to commit their lives to each other if they choose..it is seldom in this day and age that two people stay together for the long haul..if you find that special person and wish to marry them you should be able to do so...love is love in my book...

L xx

Day Seventeen

A book you read that changed your views on something..

Wow..again I can't think of one! I read..a LOT..probably 2-3 books a week now that I'm not working..I always take something away with me from each book..I have learned a lot about different cultures..different religions..different opinion on just about everything under the sun..I am a sponge..I love to soak it all in but there is no one book that stands out in my mind that changed my view...

L xx

Day Sixteen

Something you could live without..

Now I may sound nuts here but I am going to say Dogs roaming free in my neighbourhood..it is the one thing that upsets me over here..the lack of control of Dogs...almost every single day I see some one's dog roaming around..it is what prevents me from going for walks which is something I love to do..I am terrified of dogs that I don't know..almost weekly there is some kind of dog attack reported on our local news...a lot of the homeowners around here let their dogs out in their backyards which are often not secure and so the dogs get out..in England the yards (gardens) are smaller and therefore people walk there dogs on a lease..very seldom do you see them left out in the yards all day..I would love to be able to take my dog for a walk here and not be terrified of coming across a dog roaming free or walking past peoples houses and having huge pit bulls or rottweilers barking and growling and jumping up at the fence..the few times I have gone for a walk that has happened and I get so upset and anxious it's not worth it so now I either walk at the track or inside and I am sad that I have to do that...

L xx

Day Fifteen

Something you couldn't live without..

Decided not to be literal here and say lipstick..it is the one thing I use every single day..every single time I go out I have lipstick on..Actually I am rarely without it...I think my face looks too bare..I have literally hundreds of them and the funny thing is they are all within a shade or two of each other..I always have a compact or mirror in my purse and reapply after eating etc...and anyone who is remotely connected to me knows I better have lippy on in my coffin!! :-)

L xx

Day Fourteen

A hero that has let you down...

Well this is going to be a blank..can't think of anyone that I would call a "hero" that has let me down..

This little journal exercise is getting harder and harder but I committed to it so I shall persevere!!

P.S. On a side note spring has sprung here in Florida and it is absolutely gorgeous outside and I am a very happy camper!!

L xx

Day Thirteen

A Band or Artist that has got you through some bad times...

Definitely Rod Stewart...in my young teenage years I would listen to his Atlantic Crossing Album over and over again.."You're in my Heart" "First cut is the deepest" "Tonight's the night"...even to this day if I hear those songs I can remember the feelings I had back then for my hubby..yep he was my first love and the cause of many a tear back then!! LOL..and the song "Sailing" can still make me cry because it reminds me of my leaving my family all those years ago crying at the airport as their 21 year old daughter left it all be hind to follow her heart...

L xx

Day Twelve

Something you never get compliments on..

My Driving!! I make no secret of the fact I hate to drive..if I didn't ever have to drive again that would be fine with me..the fact is it is a necessity over here..everything is so far spread out..there are very few areas that have stores within walking distance and public transport is a joke unless you live closer to the city...I have no confidence driving..I get in one lane and stay in it..I hate parking..hate backing out..absolutely have nightmares about driving on the interstate..but I do it beacuse I have to..but I sure NEVER get compliments about it..LOL

L xx

Day Eleven

Something people seem to compliment you most on...


My Hair!! Almost every single time I go anywhere..grocery store..the mall..the bank..the base..at least one person will say they like my hair..LOL..the area we live in is not exactly "trendy" to be honest we have a lot of umm...how do I put this nicely?.."rednecks"..the kind of folk who show on "funny people at Walmart" almost all the women wear the standard jeans and sneakers in winter and shorts and flip flops in the summer..long hair pulled back in a pony tail and that's about it..I don't look like everyone else and therefore I think I stand out..especially my short spiky hair and my trendy glasses... the funny thing is right after they tell me they love my hair they almost always follow it with "but I would never have the nerve to wear it like that" LOL...

L xx

Day Ten

Someone you need to let go or wish you didn't know..

I can't honestly think of anyone..I refuse to have negative influences in my life..I know we can't avoid negativity but we can choose who we spend our time with and I try to not let myself get sucked in like I used to...my friendship with Jennifer has benefited from that..she had a lot of problems that I was allowing to become my problems..nowadays I listen but no longer feel like I have to fix everything for her..I can only be responsible for my own happiness and not the happiness of others..I also learned to say no..this was a biggie..if I don't want to do something now I just say so..I used to resent a lot of things I felt I had to do..saying no is so liberating! and surprisingly easy..no one has ever asked "well why not?" ..LOL

L xx

Day Nine

Someone you didn't want to let go but just drifted...

Sadly there are quite a few of those with us being a Military family..you make friends then friends get stationed somewhere else you stay in touch for a few months then the phone calls get further apart and eventually you end up friends on Face Book..sad but it's a reality... one friend I particularly miss...we hung out a lot while our hubby's were on deployment together..I babysat for her when she went back to work..we went through a lot together...she now lives in California..I got to see her when I was out there last year and she was here a few months back so we had dinner but I miss "US"....

L xx

Day Eight

Some one who made your life hell ..

Well we've already covered the monster that molested me so I will have to go with a couple of girls that bullied me at school..it didn't last long and it was over a boy (of course) but I can remember the fear of running into them at school...there were rumours that this one girl wanted to fight me and you know how that goes..everyone was egging her on and I really thought I was going to get my arse beat but we came face to face and she just yelled at me and told me to leave her "boyfriend" alone...LOL..seems silly now but at the time I would get sick just thinking about going to school..and if I saw either one of them I would turn and go the other way all the time expecting them to come up behind me...

Kids can be so cruel...

L xx

Day Seven

Someone who has made your life worth living for...

Easy..my husband. We have been together since I was 15..I had the biggest crush on him in school...me and at least 10 other girls...I didn't think I stood a chance...I would pray with every ounce of my being for him to look at me or speak to me and when he did I would just freeze...LOL..we eventually started dating AFTER I was dating one of his best friends ...smart move on my part..LOL..we have had lots of obstacles in our life but we have always overcome them and without him I can't imagine where my life would be..and he gave me the greatest gift of all ..our children...to me it's a miracle that two people meet..fall in love and then create these beautiful babies that have your blood in their veins..that without you they wouldn't be..it is the ultimate gift of love and he gave it to me...

L xx

Day Six..

Something you hope you never have to do..

Easy...bury one of my kids..cannot even fathom that kind of pain....

L xx

Day Five

Something you hope to do in your life....

This hard for me for some reason...not sure which way to go with this so I'm going to say I hope to become a Grandmother...I think about that a lot. My kids missed out on their Grandparents with us living over here and both sets of Grandparents being back in England. They didn't get to spend much time with them..I dream of having my grandchildren a daily part of my life..having them stay over at my house..spoiling them rotten..:-)

L xx

Day Four

Something you have to forgive someone for...

I need to forgive the man that stole my trust and innocence...I was 11 he was 60...he was a very well liked member of the community..a very talented Guitar player and worked with my Dad...I was sent to him for guitar lessons..he taught me how to play steel guitar..he played in a band and I did a couple of gigs with them...he molested me..he fed me vodka ..gave me cigarettes..set his dog on me if I tried to get away...he showed me magazines and said he wanted to do those things to me...he terrified and intrigued me all at the same time..he made me feel so powerful and special but also dirty and ashamed...he wrote a song about me..then he said he was going to take me away in his van and I was scared he wouldn't bring me back...I started skipping Guitar practice ..I went to the park and just sat then went home...I finally told my parents when he said the two even younger little girls next door wanted to learn to play the Guitar..I may have saved them but I know I saved myself....

He is dead now and I forgave him but I can't forget....

L xx

Day Three...

Something you have to forgive yourself for...

16 years ago on a sunny November day in Jacksonville Florida I terminated a pregnancy...something I would have never thought I was capable of doing...my husband had Non-Hodgkins Lymphoma and had endured 6 rounds of Chemotherapy and we had been told he would be unable to have any more children..they had even asked us if we would like to freeze some of his sperm before he began his treatment..we had said no..we were happy with our boy and girl..fast forward a year later and I am pregnant..and feeling violently ill..different from my other pregnancies...we go to the Dr's on base and they confirm the pregnancy and advise us to terminate because of the side effects from the intense type of Chemo hubby had been given they were certain the baby would be deformed at the very least and probably would not survive full term anyway...the base does not do terminations so if I decided to go ahead we would have to go to a clinic in town...after a week of soul searching and heartbreak we made our decision...I cannot write about all that happened that day it is still too traumatic for me but I do think I need to forgive myself for my decision..if you know me at all you know I live for my kids..I honestly believe that I made the right decision..but it haunts me to this day...and it hurts me when people judge those who choose abortion..there is a story behind each one..I absolutely do not condone Abortion as a means of birth control but I am Pro choice as I am on most topics... I made my choice..please forgive me sweet child of mine...

L xx

Day Two...

Something you love about yourself...

I love the relationship I have with my kids..that they know they are loved no matter what choices they make...that they are able to bring their friends home..that they actually choose to hang out with their Mum..that they feel comfortable enough to do that..that the neighbourhood kids all call me Ma..that they know that no matter what the circumstances are they can call me and I will always have their back..that our home is a warm cozy loving environment and everyone feels welcome here..that they have all the things I did not.. and that they will look back on their childhood and teenage years and say my Mum was the best...

I had a great childhood but my teenage years were awful because I did not get along with my Mum and I was determined not to waste those years with my own kids...I will never forget how my Mum made me feel ...I was so frustrated and truly felt she hated me...some may take my kindness as a weakness when it comes to my "kids" but trust me it is not.....

L xx

day one..

Day One...Something you HATE about yourself..

Hmmmm....

On the outside I may appear happy ..upbeat..bubbly..but inside I am ashamed of how I have let myself get so FAT....I wasn't heavy as a child..I was actually pretty skinny up until I left school and began eating outside the home and could eat whatever I wanted...as a child we had 3 meals a day and that was it..we had the occasional snack but we weren't allowed to just snack all the time and eat whenever we wanted...so it was kind of a free for all when I got out on my own.. so by the time I came over to the states I had gained about 24 Lbs..and since then every year it's been a few pounds and now 27 years later I am about 60 Lbs overweight..lethargic and pretty damn miserable if the truth be told....no one ever really says anything about my weight to me..everyone always tells me I look great but it's like the elephant in the room we all know is there but no one wants to talk about it ..as I get older the weight is harder to shift..and it is accumulating around my middle and in my face and I hate to look in the mirror and see the roundness...so I am eating better..healthier and moving more..it really is that simple..I know how to do it I am just lazy...I love food..we eat out a lot and it's just what we do..but no more..I have our trip to Hawaii as motivation and I really need to get control...

So that's one thing I hate about myself...trust me there are more.. :-)

L xx

Stay tuned...

I have seen this on several blogs and thought it might give me something to do on these dreary February days..LOL..so stay tuned... :-)

30 Days of Truth

Day 1 - Something you hate about yourself.

Day 2 - Something you love about yourself.

Day 3 - Something you have to forgive yourself for.

Day 4 - Something you have to forgive someone for.

Day 5 - Something you hope to do in your life.

Day 6 - Something you hope you never have to do.

Day 7 - Someone who has made your life worth living for.

Day 8 - Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit.

Day 9 - Someone you didn't want to let go, but just drifted.

Day 10 - Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn't know.

Day 12 - Something you never get compliments on.

Day 13 - A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter)

Day 14 - A hero tht has let you down. (letter)

Day 15 - Something or someone you couldn't live without, because you've tried living without it.

Day 16 - Someone or something you definitely could live without.

Day 17 - A book you've read that changed your views on something.

Day 18 - Your views on gay marriage.

Day 19 - What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?

Day 20 - Your views on drugs and alcohol.

Day 21 - (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?

Day 22 - Something you wish you hadn't done in your life.

Day 24 - Something you wish you had done in your life.

Day 25 - The reason you believe you're still alive today.

Day 26 - Have you ever thought about giving up o life? If so, when and why?

Day 27 - What's the best thing going for you right now?

Day 28 - What if your were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?

Day 29 - Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.

Day 30 - A letter to yourself, tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself

Life....

Good Morning Campers!


It's been a while since I wrote a "real" post but there is so much whirling around in my head I feel the need to get some of it down on "paper". As much as I love the social networking on Face Book I do not care to "bare my soul" on there. To be honest I am amazed at some of the stuff people put on there..to me they are so busy sharing that I wonder if they are actually taking the time to enjoy whatever it is they are doing!

Anyways...as most of you that read this know we have lost a few J Land bloggers lately in particular our darling Angie. Something about her death just got to me..it made me think of my own mortality..I got to thinking about if it were me..how the word would spread around the blogs and on Face Book and what you all would say and just how very precious life is..here one day gone the next. I have been reflecting on my life lately anyway..so many changes are going on..my hubby's Naval Career is winding down..he will retire in 2013 with 30 years service under his belt and I have been with him for even longer than that...where has the time gone? How can my life be almost three quarters of the way over? I will be 49 next month so realistically I probably have 25 years left if I'm lucky..it doesn't scare me but it has made me think...I am slowing down..I don't do a lot of the things I used to do yet I reflect on the good old days...I think I am letting life pass me by and I need to make the most of it.. I am going to start living more..I am going to except more invitations...start doing some of the things I have always wanted to...stop worrying so much about "what if" and worry more about "what if I don't".. For example my sweet hubby has been saving his Per Diem and calls me up to offer me the trip of a lifetime to Hawaii and the first thing that came into my head was we need a new fence in our garden!! But you know what? We can always get a new fence ! So yes we are going for a glorious week on the beach in Hawaii when he gets home!!! That is just one example..I have started to see the beauty in things again..I am taking the time to appreciate and let the little things go..we are not guaranteed any length of time here on earth so we need to truly appreciate each and every day...I am loving being at home again and getting my house back in order.. I am lucky enough to not have to work but if the right opportunity comes along I will take it..that last job I was at did a number on me stress wise and I felt like I aged 1o years there...I am back on track with my eating and am trying to finally get this weight off ..there are a lot of TV shows on at the moment about obesity and it isn't as if one day you just wake up 400 Lbs it takes years and I need to stop it now before I end up like that...plus I want to enjoy Hawaii..I want to take lots of pics and not hide behind the camera..I want to walk those beautiful beaches with confidence...so that's where I'm at..I know I have just rambled on here but that's some of what's been going on inside this head of mine..there is more..and i feel the need to write again but that's it for this morning but watch this space... I have a feeling there will be a lot more posts from me ...one last thing please say a lil prayer for my darling Auntie Edna..my dad's only sister..she is in ICU and is not likely to make it..they have been running so many tests ..she is unable to move her arms or legs and cannot breath on her own..it is so very sad..

Thank you!!

L xx

Angie

Just found out our darling Angie from

Click here: Can You All Hear Me at the Back?

passed this morning..so devastated and sad...

you were a fab friend Ang and kept me rolling...I will miss your love of life and your sense of humour..rest in peace my love..I will miss you so...

L

First post of 2011!

Good Morning Campers!!!

Hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas and a Happy New Year..we had a wonderful time here..it was wonderful to have hubby home and as usual we were all spoiled..Rachel and Ryan both got laptops which I bought a few months back when they were on sale..then they got the usual clothes..underwear..pajamas..cologne..and other miscellaneous bits and bobs..hubby got a new Golf bag and a green finder..kind of like Binoculars but it tells you the actual distance of the hole you are trying to reach therefore you know exactly which club to use..he LOVED it..he also got new boots and clothes...I got new boots..cltohes..perfume..jewellery..two of those wonderful wind spinners for the deck..a new camera...and gift cards..we had a lovely Christmas dinner and Christmas Eve we went over our friends house and sat around the bonfire and had drinks and relaxed..it was perfect..as for New years this old lady and her even older hubby stayed home...LOL..Hubby has now returned to Guam but hopefully he will be home for good by August at the latest and then he will retire Feb 2013. He has given 30 years to the USN...the time has flew by though. I have been in the states for 27 years now..I emigrated here Dec 1st 1983!! Hard to believe..anyway this post is all over the place ..so I will end it by wishing you all a healthy and Happy New Year..that's all we need really isn't it? To be Happy and Healthy..

Until next time...

L xx