Hubby and I had a huge fight last night and he said some of the most hurtful things he has had ever said to me and I feel absolutely hurt to my very core...it as if he has been building all this up inside and just spewed his hatred of me out..if he meant a third of what he said about me last night then I honestly do not know what will become of us. I am only writing this post as documentation. We hardly ever fight...we may have a cross word here or there but we rarely get into it the way we did last night....some of what he said was done purely to hurt me...I was called fat..a bitch..he said no one likes me..that I am a miserable person..that I am negative...lazy...that my kids hate me...like I said most of it was said in an attempt to hurt me but from what place do words like that come from??...somewhere very very dark and evil..and not anywhere I wish to be...
This morning my heart is very heavy and I am just so so sad...to make matters worse we have family in town and tomorrow we are having a huge cook out/going away party for him and now I have to face all these people when all I want to do is curl up in a ball and cry....
Even if he only said it to hurt me part of me believes that I am that way and that scares me...
L
Friday, August 28, 2009
Monday, August 17, 2009
MONDAY MORNING...
Good Morning Campers!!
Hope everyone had a nice weekend...mine was okay...nothing too exciting...was without a car Saturday..hubby's friend fixed a few minor things that needed doing..so I was home all day watching way too much TV...Sunday I went to the Flea Market..then to lunch with my Daughter and to the movies to see "Ugly Truth"..it was hilarious!! We cooked Ribs for dinner last night..that's about it for my weekend...
We are going to have a Barbecue/going away Party for hubby on August 29th...I hope the weather will cooperate...it has been awful here lately...lots of rain..our yard keeps flooding because of it...hubby is actually going to find some sandbags this week because the last big storm caused water to seep into the Florida room....
My dad is going to come over with my BF Di!! I am so excited!! I never thought he would come without my sister but Di is like family anyway and she will take care of him at the airport and stuff...it's been 2 years since he was here...It is sad that they will miss hubby by days but nothing we can do about that...
Not a whole lot write about ...LOL..but thought I would do an entry anyway...hope everyone is doing okay...I see a lot of you on face book...;-)
L xx
Hope everyone had a nice weekend...mine was okay...nothing too exciting...was without a car Saturday..hubby's friend fixed a few minor things that needed doing..so I was home all day watching way too much TV...Sunday I went to the Flea Market..then to lunch with my Daughter and to the movies to see "Ugly Truth"..it was hilarious!! We cooked Ribs for dinner last night..that's about it for my weekend...
We are going to have a Barbecue/going away Party for hubby on August 29th...I hope the weather will cooperate...it has been awful here lately...lots of rain..our yard keeps flooding because of it...hubby is actually going to find some sandbags this week because the last big storm caused water to seep into the Florida room....
My dad is going to come over with my BF Di!! I am so excited!! I never thought he would come without my sister but Di is like family anyway and she will take care of him at the airport and stuff...it's been 2 years since he was here...It is sad that they will miss hubby by days but nothing we can do about that...
Not a whole lot write about ...LOL..but thought I would do an entry anyway...hope everyone is doing okay...I see a lot of you on face book...;-)
L xx
Sunday, August 2, 2009
EARLY MORNING RAMBLINGS...
Good Early Morning to you!!
Yes it's 2.30 a.m. here and I am wide awake..I went to bed early to read and fell asleep but woke after 4 hours so I am piddling around online..between Facebook..Myspace..Blogger and my emails I can easily spend an hour catching up.... speaking of catching up I cannot believe how few people are posting from my Blog roll...I need to edit that....and for the 174 followers of mine you need to check your dashboard because only a handful of you are reading my posts...not that I write for you but a little feedback at least lets me know someone is out there!! I remember when I would get at least 50 comments..these days I am lucky to break double digits.... I try to comment at least once a week on the blogs I read just to let the person know I am still reading.. from my lack of comments I don't think I have many readers anymore....that's why the follower thing frustrates me...before I didn't know who was "following" me" so I never gave it a thought...now I wonder where you all are...
wow..I rambled on a bit there huh?? LOL
So I went round my in laws today...my step Mother-in-law drives me nuts...she was on my face book but would try to tell me what I could and could not post on there..or she would text my hubby and tell him what I had written..he doesn't have face book..so I blocked her..then she writes me and asks me why....I told her I don't like to have to filter what I write so I thought it was easier to block her..not to mention with hubby leaving she would be emailing him about me all the time..I have nothing to hide but hubby hates gossip of any kind and he hates it when she feels like she has "something" on me....then we get home and hubby tells me that the table they have been storing for us in their barn needs to come back here..believe me they have more than enough storage and they won't put anything up in the attic part of the barn where this table is but she has never wanted it round there in the first place..in the 11 years they have been over there that is the only thing I have ever asked of her...if she would store that table for me...she doesn't like me...the feeling is mutual but I show respect for her because she is married to my father-in-law and I adore him..I think she is very selfish..her family is over here every other month but as soon as any of my father-in-laws family wants to come over it's all "too much" for her...they have 3 spare bedrooms and plenty of space...her son is over at the moment with his wife and son..her daughter just went home..and her other son is planning his 3rd trip over here this year...but the mention of hubby's sister wanting to come for Christmas is "too much".. She also worships the ground hubby walks on and keeps going on and on about how awful it is that he has to go away for 2 years...poor him...blah blah blah...excuse me?? he is going to a Tropical Island for 2 years..will have his own apartment overlooking the beach with a Chiefs club in the building..golf courses within walking distance..scuba diving etc etc..I will be the one stuck at home alone with all the responsibilities of running this house and huge yard..and of course the kids..the dog..the bills... the decorating..the cars..the errands... but it's all about hubby..it always is....
I did call this early morning ramblings didn't I?? lol...
On the positive side...I have been spending time with my friends..they are so very important to me... as I have mentioned before it is the 4th Annual girls weekend at the Beach nest week..today we went to the Base to buy the refreshments..$200 worth!! Let's just say Happy Hour is covered!!! It is 3 days of sun..sand...relaxing..gossiping..giggling..card playing..junk food eating..drinking..laughing till you pee in your pants kind of fun!! and this year I need it more than ever...
I have been reading a lot...and even broke out my sketch pad and doodled a little..and I am writing my life story ...I wish that my Mum had written hers...there are so many things I wish I could ask her but can't now as she has gone on...so I thought it would be kinda cool to write a journal of the story of my life and leave it for my kids....they will have this journal online too .... but there is a something about a book they can actually open and read in my handwriting...what I wouldn't give to find one written by my Mum...I do have my dads diaries..he kept a written daily diary for 30 years..he quit writing the day my mum died and gave them to me..I treasure them...
Spending time with hubby...we have had the last 5 months at home together...to be absolutely honest we are driving each other nuts!! one of the reasons he took the job and not early retirement!! We have both discovered we are way to young to be home..we both need more in out life ...he has golfed at least twice a week .. and he has played way too much online PlayStation war games...he is going a little stir crazy..so am I..so he is actually looking forward to getting back to work..his present job he only has to check in once or twice a week!! So apart from being so far away and for so long we are both relieved that we have a life plan again... and goals we have set for this deployment and something to work towards..
okay enough rambling.. ;-)
I am going to try and get back to sleep...
L xx
Yes it's 2.30 a.m. here and I am wide awake..I went to bed early to read and fell asleep but woke after 4 hours so I am piddling around online..between Facebook..Myspace..Blogger and my emails I can easily spend an hour catching up.... speaking of catching up I cannot believe how few people are posting from my Blog roll...I need to edit that....and for the 174 followers of mine you need to check your dashboard because only a handful of you are reading my posts...not that I write for you but a little feedback at least lets me know someone is out there!! I remember when I would get at least 50 comments..these days I am lucky to break double digits.... I try to comment at least once a week on the blogs I read just to let the person know I am still reading.. from my lack of comments I don't think I have many readers anymore....that's why the follower thing frustrates me...before I didn't know who was "following" me" so I never gave it a thought...now I wonder where you all are...
wow..I rambled on a bit there huh?? LOL
So I went round my in laws today...my step Mother-in-law drives me nuts...she was on my face book but would try to tell me what I could and could not post on there..or she would text my hubby and tell him what I had written..he doesn't have face book..so I blocked her..then she writes me and asks me why....I told her I don't like to have to filter what I write so I thought it was easier to block her..not to mention with hubby leaving she would be emailing him about me all the time..I have nothing to hide but hubby hates gossip of any kind and he hates it when she feels like she has "something" on me....then we get home and hubby tells me that the table they have been storing for us in their barn needs to come back here..believe me they have more than enough storage and they won't put anything up in the attic part of the barn where this table is but she has never wanted it round there in the first place..in the 11 years they have been over there that is the only thing I have ever asked of her...if she would store that table for me...she doesn't like me...the feeling is mutual but I show respect for her because she is married to my father-in-law and I adore him..I think she is very selfish..her family is over here every other month but as soon as any of my father-in-laws family wants to come over it's all "too much" for her...they have 3 spare bedrooms and plenty of space...her son is over at the moment with his wife and son..her daughter just went home..and her other son is planning his 3rd trip over here this year...but the mention of hubby's sister wanting to come for Christmas is "too much".. She also worships the ground hubby walks on and keeps going on and on about how awful it is that he has to go away for 2 years...poor him...blah blah blah...excuse me?? he is going to a Tropical Island for 2 years..will have his own apartment overlooking the beach with a Chiefs club in the building..golf courses within walking distance..scuba diving etc etc..I will be the one stuck at home alone with all the responsibilities of running this house and huge yard..and of course the kids..the dog..the bills... the decorating..the cars..the errands... but it's all about hubby..it always is....
I did call this early morning ramblings didn't I?? lol...
On the positive side...I have been spending time with my friends..they are so very important to me... as I have mentioned before it is the 4th Annual girls weekend at the Beach nest week..today we went to the Base to buy the refreshments..$200 worth!! Let's just say Happy Hour is covered!!! It is 3 days of sun..sand...relaxing..gossiping..giggling..card playing..junk food eating..drinking..laughing till you pee in your pants kind of fun!! and this year I need it more than ever...
I have been reading a lot...and even broke out my sketch pad and doodled a little..and I am writing my life story ...I wish that my Mum had written hers...there are so many things I wish I could ask her but can't now as she has gone on...so I thought it would be kinda cool to write a journal of the story of my life and leave it for my kids....they will have this journal online too .... but there is a something about a book they can actually open and read in my handwriting...what I wouldn't give to find one written by my Mum...I do have my dads diaries..he kept a written daily diary for 30 years..he quit writing the day my mum died and gave them to me..I treasure them...
Spending time with hubby...we have had the last 5 months at home together...to be absolutely honest we are driving each other nuts!! one of the reasons he took the job and not early retirement!! We have both discovered we are way to young to be home..we both need more in out life ...he has golfed at least twice a week .. and he has played way too much online PlayStation war games...he is going a little stir crazy..so am I..so he is actually looking forward to getting back to work..his present job he only has to check in once or twice a week!! So apart from being so far away and for so long we are both relieved that we have a life plan again... and goals we have set for this deployment and something to work towards..
okay enough rambling.. ;-)
I am going to try and get back to sleep...
L xx
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)