I am in a RUT.
I am miserable.
I cannot seem to snap out of it. I have no reason per se to feel this way but I do and I am doing my best to get a grip on it. I am seriously considering going to a Dr....that's how low I have been feeling. Blogging about it is my last attempt to see if I can get to feeling better on my own.
Hubby was away for 19 months this last time ..stationed in Guam. He did come home on several occasions but I was alone most of that time. I kind of turned into a hermit and let a lot of friendships go. Totally my fault..you say no enough times people stop asking you to do things. I had a job for 8 of those months..then that was taken away from me ..but it's not that...if I was content in myself being home wouldn't be the issue...I just can't seem to find my joy..I used to love to get up..get the housework done then work on one of my little "hobbies" ..reading..colouring..drawing...browsing thrift stores...garden shops..go to the Beach..go to the lake...lay out by the pool but lately I don't want to do any of it...and things with hubby are just blah...I looked forward to him coming home for so long and we had a fabulous vacation in Hawaii but ever since we came home we are in a rut...yes we go out one night a week...but to the same old places...we have out friends that we get together with but not that often..everyone is retiring and moving ... maybe it's this phase of our lives...I don't know but it seems like hubby and I are living the same lonely life we did when we were apart..he sits in one room watching TV or playing video games and I sit in another doing my thing...he plays golfs and goes to Trivia nights with his buds....we don't even go to bed at the same time..we have lost that intimacy too...
Writing this I can predict the advice..reconnect as a couple..stay busy...reach out to your friends...trust me if I wish I could..I just don't feel like doing it...every day I try to talk myself into a good mood..tell my self I'm going to this this and that today..but it doesn't work...
I am hoping that writing this post will be the first step in admitting I have a problem..please don't link this to Face book..while my blog is public I am not ready for it to be THAT public...thanks...and thanks for listening...not that I think anyone even reads Blogs anymore...
L xx
22 comments:
I've been there and done that one and one day I just got tired of feeling that way and decided that today was the best day of my life and I was going to make the most of it. Getting up dressing up doing what I like to do and loving others the best I could. Being in the pit is terrible and there are times we all do it. If you think you need help get some. I didn't go anywhere but deep in myself and let me tell you that is not always nice either, but I do take it one wonderful day at a time and rejoice in it. I still read blogs and love blogging. I think a journal is a big help in setting ourselves straight. Love your hubby, love your life, your kids and your home. Love can work miracles!
I keep my blog and Facebook separate as well.
Try some meds Lynn. Sometimes they are helpful if there aren't a lot of stressors in your life. Or maybe just some counseling to vent.
I understand how you feel from the deepest level and I hope that you get to feeling better soon. Depression is a dark place.
Missy
The military is definitely a life-beater, but all CAN BE WELL. I wish I had advice, but it has all been thought or said by you. It is hard to self heal.
Fortunately we were always able to talk (except a couple times). hang in there Brit, it is good to see the alert for Brits Blog anyway. Good to hear from you. You can hold it together.
Lets hope this comment works or I will scream.Tried so many times of late.Well Lyn it is hard, I have been there too,for many yrs I was like that.The only thing which helped me was counceling as Missy suggested.Wish I had done it in the first instance.Though like you and Lester,I did live next door to someone who's hubby retired from the army after 25yrs and after he came home,she was never the same pereson.Sorry to write this,but I just wondered if the being back together again every day,could be the answer.I will pray things improve for you and you soon feel much better .Take Care God Bless Kath xx
Dear Lyn
Always look forward to hearing from you,and you support me always.
I'm in limbo now, with the recent Cancer diagnosis, but know that 'feeling'. not with Allan, but when married... relationships are hard work a lot of the time.Hope you feel brighter soon.
Hugs 'n stuff
Aileen...X
I'm wondering if you just were so excited about hubby coming home that you had great expectations you were not aware of and are just feeling disappointed... with hubby being gone so long you both need some adjustment time of being back together and getting back into routine of being a couple... you are both used to doing your own things alone for the past 19 months... my dad was in the navy and I remember when he would be away on leave...... it's ok to do still do your things and unfortunately hubby actually has a bigger adjustment having to get used to being back at home... Big hugs to you.... :)
I think you and everyone has said what I was going to..
Try every avenue that you need to to get back to being yourself..Happy..
With all of the changes that are going on in your life, it certainly wouldn't hurt to see a doctor in case you need some meds to level things out..and counseling may help with the transitions you are going through..
Just because we finally get something that we have wanted for such a long time, doesn't mean that it will be smooth sailing..
Hang in there, you'll figure out what is best for you and when you do...Do it:)
Sheri
Depression was once explained to me as not having appropriate response to the appropriate circumstances... so in other words... if everything in your life is normal, if you don't have any circumstances causing you to feel blah, it IS time to talk to someone about it. I've heard that there is sort of a rebound thing for military wives when their husbands return from long deployments... sort of a transition of each re-establishing their roles in the family. I'm a hermit myself, as you well know, but the truth is that I ENJOY it. I genuinely love my down time and crave it when I'm forced to be sociable. Once I figured out there was nothing wrong with that... I was fine. I am praying for you... *hugs*
Hi Lyn,
I'm sorry to hear you're feeling down. I'm so used to reading your upbeat entries in your nlog this was a bit of a shock.
I hope you find the help you need and that life picks up again real soon.
They say that writing about your troubles can ease them a little so I hope you've at least managed to do that.
Take care.
B. x
Life changes as we age. And sometimes we need to readjust to it. If you can't do it alone, there is no shame in getting help. It might make all the difference in the world. You'll be in my thoughts and prayers. Take care.
You are definitely not alone in
feeling the way you do. Sometimes
it just seems hopeless, but then
a bright spot appears, if only for
a few moments.. something to hang
on to..
Drugs and therapy may help..
do what is right for you.
((((hugs)))) I have been there Lyn. I was a military wife for 22 years. It never got any easier. I think you just have to keep putting one foot in front of the other and focus on all the positives in your life and eventually the rest will follow. By all means see a Doctor if you feel it will help. Medication may be the answer. In the meantime I will keep you in my prayers! xxoo
Hi Lynn...I know exactly how you feel. Blah! And felt the way a long, long time. Depressed was more like it. I talked with my Dr and he perscribed Paxil. Worked really good-but after a few months he uped the dose becuz I started getting weepy agian. I quit for a while & sure enough the water works started all over again. I guess we all need to Journal again as it seems like we just aren't being "real" on FB. And I can ho nestly say my AOL Journal friends were the Best : )
When living apart, it takes time to adjust to being together.
Start with little things, and go from there.
i'm so there right now too. thank you for sharing. sharing is hard. i think it would be a good idea to talk to your doctor.
When there is a real depth of darkness there-go to a doctor. I do not suffer from depression, but I do have a disorder-& plain & simple, I need meds...please go get some help..No one has good mental resources at all times.
I had a day like this yesterday, and still have them on and off. I'm off the antidepressants now but still take meds for anxiety. See a doc and see what he suggests. I can't hurt. We live in a crazy world. I think things with hubby will get better. After being deployed over and over he's going through his own in trying to reconnect with his coming home and doing things he loves that he could do when he was gone.
It's GOOD that you have your own things. Keep doing them.
Lauren's been worried about me. I think for me after all the stress of getting the house ready to sell I'm in a depressed rut of the anticlimax of now having to wait to have the house sell before we can move. So far, no one has looked at the house. Hopefully, this will change when the open houses start on July 10th.
We live in a CRAZY TOXIC world, Lyn. Being closer to my age, we grew up in a different place and now it's changing so FAST with all the new technology and gadgets and toys. They are made for our entertainment but are turning us into zombies. There is nothing that cheers me up more than a thunderstorm that knocks out the lights and we can live primitively, even if it IS for a few hours.
I'll light some candles for you!
xoxoxo
Much Love,
MJ
hey - i was going to reply to your comment - but you don't have your email associated with your profile. email me at brandyatydk@gmail.com
Thanks!
I've been in that place for a long time. I used to love doing my family history and would stay up until all hours researching. Now, nothing much interests me, I seem to hate everything. I've had pills in the past for depression, all they did was make me put weight on, which made me feel worse.
I don't have an answer. I wish I did.
First of all, thanks for stopping by my blog.
Did you just adore Hawaii? I wasn't in love with the hotel but the trip was so amazing that I didn't care.
I so often feel the way you describe. Sometimes I tell my husband "is this all there is for the rest of our lives?" the same every week.
I love having something to look forward to (like our trip and a mini vacation now and again but we are dealing with medical issues with our good friends and my husbands mom so it seems like we will never get away again.
I tried meds, I could never get them "right" so I do everything I can to stay sane on my own.
It is nice to know that i am not the only person that feels this way.
Reasons I did not love the Outrigger Waikiki:
2 double beds (no king) tiny half-sized bathtub (I'm a bath girl) which was almost a square, insane water pressure (either rip off your skin or barely get you wet) and most of all, the time share/excursion sellers by the elevators who called out to you every single time.
We had our drinks at Westin Moana Surfrider next door on the beach and it was so much nicer! We did love the Hula Grill and Duke's in the hotel. Ate breakfast at Hula Grill every single day. Since we were never in the room, it wasn't a huge deal but I would never again book an excursion through the hotel, at Pearl Harbor we were on the shuttle bus most of the day. Rent a car, find people on the beach to take you snorkeling etc......
All this being said, I would do it all again tomorrow, even sleep and bathe cramped to go back there!!
I hope you are feeling better now. Sometimes you just have to go to a doctor when you start feeling that way. Sometimes we need more than we have on our own.
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