28th May..

Today is my 28th Wedding Anniversary.. Happy Anniversary baby..so glad you're home for this one..it is also the 8th Anniversary of my Mum's passing...I still miss her..because we lived so far apart and I didn't see her very often it was very very difficult for me to accept that she really was gone..I just kept thinking of her in the way that I think of all my family..I usually think of them several times a day.. I will look at the time and figure out what time it is in England and think about what they might be doing..It didn't really hit me until I went home last year and she wasn't there at the airport..or at their house.. and when I finally saw her headstone it hit me..she really was dead...it was very hard for me.. we didn't have the best of relationships..my Mum had issues..I think in all honesty she suffered from depression and definitely went through something when she hit menopause.. I wonder what she may have been like if she got help..she was sooooooooooooooo moody and bitchy and mostly took it out on me.. that is why when I act that way I am terrified I am turning in to her.. the one way to totally piss me off is to say I am acting like my Mother..which DH will do if he really really wants to get to me... We did get along better later in life..when I had moved away.. but she still took things out on me..I remember one fo the the last times I was home she hit me across the face in front of my kids.. my daughter screamed at her to stop..my dad was mortified and everyone got to see how it was growing up in my house.. the only good thing that came out of it was the fact that I was and still am determined to have a better relationship with my own daughter.. and I am so happy to say that we are best friends.. I don't always agree with her choices but I do not judge her or give her ultimatums.. I love her unconditionally....I can only remember my Mum telling me she loved me maybe twice in my whole life...one was when I saw her last before her illness.. I am grateful for that... so Mum you may be gone but you are not forgotten.. and I forgive you for everything.. I know you did the best you could and you loved me in your own way....good night god bless.......