Something you have to forgive yourself for...
16 years ago on a sunny November day in Jacksonville Florida I terminated a pregnancy...something I would have never thought I was capable of doing...my husband had Non-Hodgkins Lymphoma and had endured 6 rounds of Chemotherapy and we had been told he would be unable to have any more children..they had even asked us if we would like to freeze some of his sperm before he began his treatment..we had said no..we were happy with our boy and girl..fast forward a year later and I am pregnant..and feeling violently ill..different from my other pregnancies...we go to the Dr's on base and they confirm the pregnancy and advise us to terminate because of the side effects from the intense type of Chemo hubby had been given they were certain the baby would be deformed at the very least and probably would not survive full term anyway...the base does not do terminations so if I decided to go ahead we would have to go to a clinic in town...after a week of soul searching and heartbreak we made our decision...I cannot write about all that happened that day it is still too traumatic for me but I do think I need to forgive myself for my decision..if you know me at all you know I live for my kids..I honestly believe that I made the right decision..but it haunts me to this day...and it hurts me when people judge those who choose abortion..there is a story behind each one..I absolutely do not condone Abortion as a means of birth control but I am Pro choice as I am on most topics... I made my choice..please forgive me sweet child of mine...
L xx
11 comments:
There is healing in forgiveness. Never having had to face a decision like that I cannot imagine the anguish of having to do that. God blesses the brokenhearted. Life is so precious. LOLAH!
Tough choice to have made. Hugs.
Lyn, I hope you find the forgiveness and peace that you deserve.
You are certainly not alone in having to have made the decision that you did:)
Sheri
I know that was probably one the most difficult decisions you'll ever make in your life. I am sure God has already forgiven you and if you can forgive yourself knowing that you made the right decision then you can rest easy. You will be reunited with your child someday and can show him/her all the love you hold for him/her.
God Bless you
I have had two close friends who struggled with similar decisions and I walked with them through the entire process... my beliefs are such that I would always encourage life but my beliefs also teach that I need to have compassion for those who are hurting. With one girl I laid in bed with her as she recovered and cried with her. With the other... I was the one person she confided in and I bore that responsibility with great honor. She came to me knowing that I would want to talk her out of it, but knowing I would love her no matter what she decided. I offered options to them both... but I never stopped loving them. Whatever small measure of compassion I could find is no comparison to the compassion and grace God offers. Ask Him for forgiveness and when He gives it to you, give it to yourself. I love you more for sharing this!
*hugs*
heather
Lyn, I know that was a hard decision for you, but it was right for you at the time. God totally forgives you AND believe it or not, He UNDERSTANDS, rest in that, and forgive yourself. = ) HUGS!!
((((((((((((((((Lyn))))))))))))))
My love is with you....
Melanie
God bless you Lyn. I know this would have been such a difficult decision to make. ((((hugs)))) I think the hardest thing to do is to forgive ourselves for choices we have made in our lives. I came to realize though that when we refuse to forgive ourselves we take away from the Atonement of the Saviour, and are more or less saying that what He did wasn't enough. Truth is, it was enough and we are forgiven. I hope you can soon forgive yourself. xxoo
Having worked in a hospital environment-in pedi- in the past, you were actually(in my humble opinion) doing what was best for the child. Just how much should a child suffer? Not at all. You did the right thing. ~Mary
Difficult decision. You must not continue to punish yourself. After all these years, forgive yourself. God does.
{Hugs}
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