I am in a RUT.
I am miserable.
I cannot seem to snap out of it. I have no reason per se to feel this way but I do and I am doing my best to get a grip on it. I am seriously considering going to a Dr....that's how low I have been feeling. Blogging about it is my last attempt to see if I can get to feeling better on my own.
Hubby was away for 19 months this last time ..stationed in Guam. He did come home on several occasions but I was alone most of that time. I kind of turned into a hermit and let a lot of friendships go. Totally my fault..you say no enough times people stop asking you to do things. I had a job for 8 of those months..then that was taken away from me ..but it's not that...if I was content in myself being home wouldn't be the issue...I just can't seem to find my joy..I used to love to get up..get the housework done then work on one of my little "hobbies" ..reading..colouring..drawing...browsing thrift stores...garden shops..go to the Beach..go to the lake...lay out by the pool but lately I don't want to do any of it...and things with hubby are just blah...I looked forward to him coming home for so long and we had a fabulous vacation in Hawaii but ever since we came home we are in a rut...yes we go out one night a week...but to the same old places...we have out friends that we get together with but not that often..everyone is retiring and moving ... maybe it's this phase of our lives...I don't know but it seems like hubby and I are living the same lonely life we did when we were apart..he sits in one room watching TV or playing video games and I sit in another doing my thing...he plays golfs and goes to Trivia nights with his buds....we don't even go to bed at the same time..we have lost that intimacy too...
Writing this I can predict the advice..reconnect as a couple..stay busy...reach out to your friends...trust me if I wish I could..I just don't feel like doing it...every day I try to talk myself into a good mood..tell my self I'm going to this this and that today..but it doesn't work...
I am hoping that writing this post will be the first step in admitting I have a problem..please don't link this to Face book..while my blog is public I am not ready for it to be THAT public...thanks...and thanks for listening...not that I think anyone even reads Blogs anymore...
L xx
