Monday Morning...

Good Morning Campers!!

It's been a while again...I remember the days when the first thing I did every morning was log in to my journal and see what was happening in the lives of my fellow journalers...those days have long since passed and I miss them...yes I get updates on face book but it is not the same cozy community we used to have.. I am guilty of not writing very much these days either...I used to think I was writing just for myself but perhaps not??

Anyway..this morning I am writing for me..I have a lot going on in this head of mine and the best way for me to clear it out is to get my thoughts down on "paper" so to speak...journaling. "Sudafed for the soul"...;-)


...I have been going through some crap with my friend again..her life is just one big drama after another and it takes its toll on me...an example of this is that she is moving again due to financial issues and has been pondering back and forth on what to do..whether to stay with her husband..she is miserable with him but financially she can't leave him..I have been there for her every day..listened to her..advised her...supported her...not financially I will add..those days are over...but I have been there in every other way..well this past weekend I got sick..nothing major..just a little head cold/sinus thing...I did not hear from her at all except for one text....I got to thinking about it and she rarely asks how I am or if I need anything or if I'm lonely ..missing my hubby..etc etc... it is always about her and her problems..well I am going to change that...I can't change anyone except myself and I am no longer going to allow this friendship to be one sided....it is toxic and I need to let it go..I will be her friend of course but I cannot allow her problems to become mine..I cannot feel guilty because my life is blessed...I cannot help that I have a wonderful husband and he provides for us..that my children and I have a great relationship and that there is not really any drama going on... instead of feeling guilty I am going to be grateful....

Speaking of grateful this is my favourite time of the year!! Time for me to start enjoying it ....I have allowed her troubles and anxieties for the season dull my joy! no more!! I am excited!! Hubby is coming home for 8 days!!! he has another conference in San Diego and has taken a weeks leave to fly home and see us! No he won't be here for Christmas but we will get to celebrate with him his 50th birthday and we will get to see him and hug him and be together!! he arrives on the 2nd...;-)

Well I feel better already! just getting my thoughts down on "paper" always helps me..I hope everyone has a joyful week getting ready for Thanksgiving...to me it is the official start to the "crazy" season..let the festivities begin!!

L xx

Happy Birthday in heaven Mum....

Today would have been my mums 73rd birthday. No Happy Returns Mum..just happy memories..

As you know I did not have the greatest of relationships with my Mum.She was moody, miserable, bitchy a lot of the time. She was also very funny, kind hearted, great with old people..would give you the shirt off her back.. great sense of humour..we once almost got thrown off a bus for the uncontrollable giggles caused by a man sitting oppisite us with this huge bandage on his nose..one look at him and her and I were off...it was terrible!! the more we tried to stop the worse it got... LOL She cried at the Waltons and Little House on the Prarie.. she loved dogs..we had a Red Setter called Tramp for 14 years.. she walked him 3 miles every day..sometimes twice...she could do cartwheels, juggle, ride a moterbike, never learned to drive..she tried a few times but always gave up she was way too nervous.. she made Christmas very very special.. she would begin "hoarding" food as early as September..she kept it all under th stairs...she loved Malteasers (english candy similar to whoppers) she smoked..in her later years rolled her own to save money.. I saw her get into at least 3 fist fights with women...she had a terrible temper...one time this girl was after me..said I had been after her boyfirend..my Mum drug her out the pub by her hair and told her she ever so much as looked at me wrong she would be back... ;-) She loved Country and Western music and dancing and slot machines. she was the life and soul of the party and no one would ever believe the way she was at home..she was terrified of Doctors, hospitals and had a morbid fear of choking.. she chewed her food into tiny pieces to avoid that....if we ever got hurt as kids she would go get the neighbours because she would panic......she once knocked two ornaments together while dusting and smashed them and cut her palms badly..she had to have stitches and they pretty much had to put her to sleep to do them..LOL...she was always dusting, hoovering, would come in on a saturday morning when I was trying to sleep in and open the curtains and the bloody windows and start hoovering around me...LOL.. she would spit on a hanky and wipe off my face as a kid ewwwwwwwwww...she was only just 5' tall..she was one of twins..her twin died at birth..she was born in a workhouse..she only weighed 2lb.. she never met her dad he was an alcoholic and died of Cirrosis of the liver.. her family was very poor.. she had 2 sisters and 3 brothers...hr real name was Diana but veryone called her babe as she was the youngest.. I once watched her and her sister get into a fight..my dad and my uncle had to sperate them with a water hose...LOL.. she was very very passionate... she would defend us kids to the very end...looking back I can see we had far more happy times than sad...but when I reached puberty that was it..we fought on and off for years..she semed to be jealous of me..she begrudged me the relationship I had with my dad..she felt like it was us against her...the things she said and did to me were awful..she hit me..she calld me all the names under the sun...she hated with the same passion she loved...but at the end of the day I can say that she loved me and she did her best...she grew up in a time when you didn't talk about womens problems, depression was not an option, I know she suffered from it though, and I know she had a terrible time with menopause but never asked for help... and I can admit I was a typical moody teenager. I just wish things could have been different.. I wish we could have had the kind of relationaship I have with my daughter... that is the one good thing that came out of it..I was determined to not be the way she was...
Anyways...
No Happy Returns Mum...just happy memories till we meet again..night night God Bless....
Lyn

RANDOMNESS...

Good Morning Campers!!

Lots going on this little head of mine..time for some randomness..is that even a word?? lol....

I miss reading Blogs...the one liners on face book just aren't the same...hows' your family? your kids?? your hubby?? what is really going on with you?? I miss you all!!!

I am B-O-R-E-D!!!..yep..I am...I need to find a job...hubby keeps wanting me to travel to go see him so finding a job seems ridiculous but I am getting tired of sitting here alone day after day and with "winter"coming it's only gonna get worse....

My son needs to find a job or go into the military...he is wasting his life....

I need to stop procrastinating and do my CEU's to update my license...

I need to make my Christmas shopping list and get started on my shopping..I have only bought one gift so far!!

I hate the dark nights already and we haven't even turned the clocks back!!

This is fun! ;-)

My daughter is addicted to getting inked..she told me she is getting number 5 on Friday....

have you seen all the new reality shows coming on TV?? it's crazy!!

I miss my hubby!!

Seeing him last week was like the appetizer..I want the main dish now please....;-)

I need new clothes...a little secret...I am dropping weight...shhhhhhhhhhhhh...don't want to jinx myself.... ;-)

I need a haircut....

so does my dog....

I miss my Mum..it is her birthday on nov 6th..and I can't think how old she would have been..shame on me...

The little girl who got killed here last week used to be one of my patients and it is the saddest thing ...our whole community is mourning...there are some sick people in this world....

my daughter has been playing Michael Jackson songs all morning..what is that all about?

my son slept over at his girlfriend's house AGAIN....nuff said...

It's foggy out..looks like a British morning...;-)

does anyone actually read my blog anymore??...

I need another cup of tea....

I said no to my son wanting a Halloween Party here at the house and it felt so good!!!

I don't like to drive at night....but I want to go out....

My dad had such a good time when he was here..I loved spoiling him!!

Hubby is having his first Colonoscopy soon...now that was random...lol

8 weeks from today will be Christmas Eve..

I am going to shower and leave this house today...

Yesterday I did not go anywhere!!

My mum would be 73...just figured it out...

I bought a beautiful angel for her grave and my dad took it back for me....

Walmart has Halloween on one aisle and Christmas on the other....

see I am thinking about shopping can you tell?

okay enough of this....back to face book to see what you all are up to.... ;-)

L xx

REMEMBER ME??

Good Afternoon Campers!!!!

It has been a very long time since I wrote anything ....I have been so busy but that is not an excuse... I just haven't got round to it...but I'm here today and ready to blow the dust off this poor old blog and catch up!!!

My Dad and best friend Di and her boyfriend came over at the end of September for a couple of weeks..it was an amazing visit....which included a surprise wedding on the beach! What happened was we were at our favourite Mexican restaurant and Di was telling us about a dream she had that she came on holiday and got married and my dad gave her away...well my friend Steve was with us and he pipes up "well I am a notary public so if you really want to get married I could marry you guys...and we could do it on the beach at my beach house" next thing you know Di's fella makes a "ring' out of a napkin and proposes!!!!!! The whole restaurant was clapping and cheering..we got a free round of shots and in the following week we managed to plan an entire wedding for under $500!! her wedding dress was $3.oo from the thrift store..the guys wore Hawaiian shirts..I picked up an Hawaiian skirt...we bought the booze at the base and a couple of Tiki torches and that was that!!! talk about romantic..it was just us and them and the most perfect sunset....they did call and tell his kids and their parents first but other than that it was a total surprise for everyone!! It was the most beautiful wedding I have ever been to and I was honored to be a part of it..I read Corinthians 1 verse 13...my Dad gave her away....it was perfect.... ;-)

I have also just got back from a whirlwind visit to San Diego to see hubby...we had a fantastic week together at the beautiful navy Lodge at North Island on Coronado island...our view was the beach..we literally walked out of our room onto the sand..we did a lot of sight seeing...spent time with his family..took a ferry ride..watched the Ronald Reagan come into port...ate tons of yummy Mexican food..it was absolutely what I needed and a good chance for us to reconnect...

Now the sad news.. a little girl from our community....about 3 miles from here..was kidnapped and murdered..she was taken as she walked home from school...her body was found at the trash dump...for those of you in the states you will have heard of this..her name was Somer Thomson and she was actually a patient of mine when I worked in peds.... i drove by her home yesterday to donate..the outside of her home is a shrine and it absolutely tore me up to see it...may that sweet little girl rest in eternal peace.... here is a link for anyone who hasn't heard about it...

Click here: Somer Thompson's Mother Diena Thompson Warns Killer


Well that's all for now...I have a mountain of laundry I am plowing through...I need to go to the Commissary tomorrow..they ate everything while I was gone...LOL...I will try to play catch up on the blogs...I apologize for the lack of visits..hope everyone is doing well...

take care and have a great week!!

L xx

HERE I AM...

Good Morning Campers!!

Well hubby has been gone for almost 2 weeks and I have allowed myself a week of feeling sorry for myself.. a week of letting my son take advantage of not having his dad here and having his friends hanging here and eating me out of house and home..a week of cooking meals hubby doesn't really care for...a week of hibernating from my friends and the constant phone calls to see how I am...a week of being crabby and miserable but enough is enough...I have had enough of that and am ready to move into the next phase...focusing on me..setting some goals and doing the things I like to do...I refuse to sit here feeling sorry for myself anymore!! I have been going to the beach with my beach buddy but other than that not a whole lot...next week I am going to spend some time working in the yard...I am going to get my CEU's done to get my Medical Assistant Certification current...and I am going to plan a trip out to see hubby in San Diego..he will be there for a conference for a few days and I am going to take advantage of that and go see him and visit with his family for a few days...the only person who can change the way I feel is me...I feel so much better this morning...I have an invitation to go to the Fish Camp by the river tomorrow evening...next weekend I am going to Tallahassee with my friend to go save another friend who is in a worse rut than me and take her out for a girls night out...I have a bag full of new books from Booksamillion that I intend to put a dent in... I want to get started on my writing...and I need to get this house in tip top condition for my dads visit in 2 weeks...so things are looking up and I am back!!!

I am making the rounds on the blogs..doesn't take nearly as long any more as not many of us seem to be writing...sad really..I can remember a time when I couldn't keep up!!

Have a great weekend!!

L xx

TWO DAYS TO GO...

Good Morning Campers!!

I appreciate every ones support of my last post. I did finally get a chance to talk to him about it and his response was that he had a lot of built up frustration and anxiety etc about the upcoming deployment..that he was just letting off steam...I can accept that but part of me is still reeling from the venom he spewed and will always wonder if he really thinks those things about me secretly..he did apologise and at this point in the game I chose to accept his apology and move on because the alternative is to let this rift stay between us and with him moving across the world from me there is enough distance between us without adding to it...does that make sense??

The count down to him leaving is very emotional...but I am ready to move on to the next phase..to shift the focus to me again..to start making myself a priority again and setting myself some goals...this last few months has been all about him and rightly so but I am ready to get on with this and get it closer to being over with ..

The family visit was fun..the going away party a huge success...my hubby will go away knowing he is loved and will be missed and that his home and family will be well taken care of...and that was my goal...

This military life is a roller coaster of emotions that's for sure...but it's been a good life to us and I know I am blessed...sometimes the struggles are hard but they have made me what I am today..a strong secure woman...I will survive these next two years..we will achieve our ultimate goal of a secure retirement and I know one day we will look back and miss all this...

Have a wonderful weekend...

L xx

SAD

Hubby and I had a huge fight last night and he said some of the most hurtful things he has had ever said to me and I feel absolutely hurt to my very core...it as if he has been building all this up inside and just spewed his hatred of me out..if he meant a third of what he said about me last night then I honestly do not know what will become of us. I am only writing this post as documentation. We hardly ever fight...we may have a cross word here or there but we rarely get into it the way we did last night....some of what he said was done purely to hurt me...I was called fat..a bitch..he said no one likes me..that I am a miserable person..that I am negative...lazy...that my kids hate me...like I said most of it was said in an attempt to hurt me but from what place do words like that come from??...somewhere very very dark and evil..and not anywhere I wish to be...

This morning my heart is very heavy and I am just so so sad...to make matters worse we have family in town and tomorrow we are having a huge cook out/going away party for him and now I have to face all these people when all I want to do is curl up in a ball and cry....

Even if he only said it to hurt me part of me believes that I am that way and that scares me...

L