Truths

I have noticed that I only write cheerful happy stuff in this journal of mine. Today will be different. Lisa Jo has encouraged me to open up a little bit. If reading sexual abuse stuff offends you stop right here.

I was sexually abused at the age of 11 for many months by my guitar teacher. My dad wanted me to play guitar in a bad way. I wanted to please him. The guitar teacher was a sick pervert. He was a co worker of my dads at the car factory. he was well respected there and in our village. He was a very talented musician and looked like Slim Whitman.  blech. He was old. in his 60's. I was 11. I wore my school uniform to go there. I went after school. the first time he touched me I thought it was an accident. he was teaching me to play Steel guitar and I had to have the guitar on my lap..he kept telling me to open my legs a little..he "accidently" slipped his hand up my school skirt...he kept it there. I jumped up and he set his fucking dog on me. I was scared of dogs. I still am. He adavnced from there. he would make the dog sit by us. He would have naked pics in the middle of the music I was trying to read..he would say turn to page 7 and there would be a pic of people screwing. He asked me if I knew what it was. I didn't. He said he wanted to teach me about that too. he told me if I told my dad it would break my dads heart because then I wouldn't play the guitar anymore. It progressed. He would show me his stuff. 60 year old stuff is fucking nasty let me tell you. He would show me how to make it hard. he asked me to kiss it. he pulled down my panties and looked at me, and touched me and kissed me there.  he made me drink vodka. he made me smoke. then he would tell me he was going to tell my dad I smoking and drinking. he asked me to bring my boyfriend to his house and let him take picsof us. I  didn't have a boyfriend. he said that's okay I will be your boyfriend. I vomited and he hit me.

I can't write anymore. the truth hurts. :-*(