I need to clarify something...LOL..that was my daughter in the pics...man I wish I looked like that..well I did once upon a time..anyway thanks for the comments I will pass them on to the true beauty.. ;-)
Today is my 23rd Wedding Anniversary.. Happy Anniversary baby..wherever you are..hopefully settling in in Italy...it is also the 3rd Anniversary of my Mum's passing...I still miss her..because we lived so far apart and I didn't see her very often it was very very difficult for me to accept that she really was gone..I just kept thinking of her in the way that I think of all my family..I usually think of them several times a day.. I will look at the time and figure out what time it is in England and think about what they might be doing..It didn't really hit me until I went home last year and she wasn't there at the airport..or at their house.. and when I finally saw her headstone it hit me..she really was dead...it was very hard for me.. we didn't have the best of relationships..my Mum had issues..I think in all honesty she suffered from depression and definitely went through something when she hit menopause.. I wonder what she may have been like if she got help..she was sooooooooooooooo moody and bitchy and mostly took it out on me.. that is why when I act that way I am terrified I am turning in to her.. the one way to totally piss me off is to say I am acting like my Mother..which Dh will do if he really really wants to get to me... <sigh> We did get along better later in life..when I had moved away.. but she still took things out on me..I remember one fo the the last times I was home she hit me across the face in front of my kids.. my daughter screamed at her to stop..my dad was mortified and everyone got to see how it was growing up in my house.. the only good thing that came out of it was the fact that I was and still am determined to have a better relationship with my own daughter.. and I am so happy to say that we are best friends.. I don't always agree with her choices but I do not judge her or give her ultimatums.. I love her unconditionally....I can only remember my Mum telling me she loved me maybe twice in my whole life...one was when I saw her last before her illness.. I am grateful for that... so Mum you may be gone but you are not forgotten.. and I forgive you for everything.. I know you did the best you could and you loved me in your own way....good night god bless.......
12 comments:
Yes I had seen a pic of you so knew it wasnt you ,Lovely memories as well as a few sad ones ,I bet it was PMT ..or some such ,we didnt know about such things then, much less talk about them !..........Jan xx
I know you are as beautiful as your gorgeous daughter...INSIDE AND OUT. Thank you for talking about your mum. I am truly sorry that she treated you as she did. I bet she just had so much pain in her and hatred for herself and after hurting you, she probaly was beside herself with sorrow. It is good that you have forgiven her. I get told alot i am just like my dad and i get so mad. Deep inside of my dad is a good man but you gotta dig deep. Happy happy 23rd anniversary! I hope you get to talk to DH soon. I will be thinking of you all day,as always.
LOVE you,lisa
I thought the pictures of your home were lovely. You have a beautiful place there. Well, Happy Anniversary. I can understand how you feel about your Mum. Still she lives in your heart forever.
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Your daughter's beautiful! Happy Anniversary!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm praying for you today as you and your hubby are apart and as you mark the 3rd anniversary since your mom died.
It truly makes me sad thinking of what you went through as a child, and not being told how wonderful you are, like you should have been. I'm glad you have a good moment to hold onto before your mom got sick.
It sounds like you've learned for your own hardships with your mom and that you've done everything you can to have the kind of relationship with your daughter that you wanted with your mom. My guess is that since your daughter did expecience seeing your mom hit you, she's that much more greatful to have you as her mom and to see that you decided to be the right kind of mom...one who loves her unconditionally and where she never has to doubt how you feel about her. What a gift you've given her!
God Bless
Christy
Have a very Happy Anniversary. Your relationship with your Mother sounds so much like the one I had with mine. I know I have a far better one with my own daughter and son and that`s the most important thing to me.
Sandra xxxx
Lyn, I hope someday I can forgive my mom the way you have yours. This post makes me cry. Go figure. Thank you for sharing this hunny. I'm thinking of you today. {{{{{Lyn}}}}}
Hi...sounds like your mum was seriously depressed...we all get moody from time to time, some of the time worse than others and if there is someone around to moan and shout at or take it out on, then that person gets the full blow of it and there would be things said that should'nt be said or done out of temper...And they wish they had never said or done them...depression is terrible you can't see it, it's not like physical illness that you can see. The least little thing can upset someone in this state of mind...physical illness can also tribute to depression...I am so pleased you have found it in your heart to forgive your mum...You take care of yourself and do'nt let this rule your life...you have your own family to care for now!!!
Happy Anniversary! Have a great weekend!
Astra!
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It's good you are in a place where you can forgive her. I'm still working on forgiving my mom. She is clinically depressed but didn't get on meds until she was in her late thirties. I didn't have it too bad (no hitting) but I sure wasn't given the kind of affection my kids get.
Happy Anniversary!
Traci
Its good you forgave your Mum. . .may she rest in peace. I think a lot of us only understand our Mothers as we get older.
I know how hard it is to loose your mom... its something you never get over.
hugs,
Ellen
hello! thanks for dropping by my journal! happy anniversary! im sorry you and your DH cant be together, hopefully soon. its good for yout ohave forgiven your mother, forgivness will always set you free...im working on it myself..... have a great weekend!
awww, what a touching entry.
I'm sorry you had a rocky relationship with your mother, but I am glad that you managed to forgive her for it in the end. That's a hard thing to do, so i respect ya 100%.
Lv Ste
xx
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