Babes death....

Thank you for all the kind comments about yesterdays entry. I miss my Mum. I always wanted to see her as a fiesty old lady. She loved old people so much ..whenever I see little old ladies I think of her.

A few people have asked how my Mum died. I looked back in my Journal and I don't think I ever wrote about it online. Like all things painful I tend to clam up about them but I am ready to tell if you would like to hear it..it's a sad story I warn you....

My Mum was pretty fit and healthy..she walked 3-5 miles every single day..she rode her bike everywhere..she was a whirlwind..always cleaning, gardening, walking..busy busy busy....in the fall of 2002 she told me she was having a lot of Diarrhea and crampy backache.. remember she was terrified of Dr's..she also had the typical British "stiff upper lip"..she hated to make a fuss...she had been to the Dr. and he had told her she had a "bug".. well she kept getting the same symptoms.. I was over here 3000 miles away and had no idea how poorly she really was...we sadly did not exchange photos too often or I would have known..the last pics taken of her were Xmas 2002.. she looked terrible..and I did not see them till I went home when she was really ill....anyway.. she went back to the Dr a few times..they did blood work which was okay...they sent her for a scope..a camera down into her gut..they did not go the other way..she was on a waiting list for that...she was also on a waiting list for a CT scan.. (socialized medicine at it's worst) well she continued to get worse..she had lost a LOT of weight...in the mean time I was planning a surprise trip home on May 3rd 2003 for my dad's 70th birthday..only my sister knew about it..I had spoken to my Mum and she told me she wasn't well..she kept asking me if I thought she had cancer...I was worried but truthfully they didn't tell me just how ill she was...she went back and forth to the dr's..my dad was making her hot water bottles to put on her back for the pain...well 6 days before I was to fly in for the surprise my Mum bled out..from her mouth and her backside...she was rushed to hosptial in an ambulance wher she finally got her Ct Scan..her intestines were blocked and had ruptured...they did emergency surgery and removed mostof her intestines..they could not reconnect her colon as it was so infected...when my sister called me that night I was in shock...this is what she said "Mum is in hospital and they don't think she is going to make it' I could not take it in.. I did not know anything at that point.. I kept saying over and over "what about dads birthday surprise?".. I flew home the next day ..hubby was on a six month deployment out to sea...my Rach was about to graduate high school so she couldn't come...Ryan came with me...I got off the plane and they took me straight to the hosptial..Mum was in ICU.. we went into the ward and my dad said "there she is" and pointed to this stranger.. I did not recognize her...I fell to my knees and was saying over and over "where is she..that's not my Mum"..they had to take me out..my best friend Di (breast cancer) was with me and my sister and my dad...after I got over the shock I went in again..she was on a ventilator..remember her fear of choking?? that's what hurt me the most because I knew why she was so agitated...it was the damn ventilator...I begged them to try to take her off it...they said they would..me and my sister were there when they tried..she got too agitated..panicking..etc..combative..it was awful...they had to put her back on it.. it was terrible to see her laying there sedated on the ventilator..but very time they tried to wake her up just a little bit she would get so agitated..I know it was the tube down her throat....the only time she ever woke up was on my dads 70th Birthday..she sat up..she stroked my dads face..she mouthd to me that she knew I would come for his birthday...she saw Ryan..she asked for Rachel...Lester flew in to see her... I told her over and over that she did not have cancer (her biggest fear)..that she had had an operation and that she had the tube down her throat to help her breathe..she kept motioning for me to take it out...that night she went back into her vegatative state... I had to say goodbye to her in the hospital..I knew I would never see her again..I had to fly back to the states to see Rachel graduate..Lester went back on the ship and started his journey back to the states...Mum lasted another 3 weeks...they called me to say that the dr's did not see Mum getting any better..she developed Pneumonia and ARDS...they said if she did live she would never be able to eat again..she would be fed from a tube...they had tried a Tracheotomy..nothing helped and you cannot stay on a ventilator forever...so the decision was made to take her off the ventilator. They called me as they did it from her bedside. I had to hang up because it took her 2 hours to die. Babe died 28th May at 12.15 am. My 20th wedding anniversary.