Thursday, May 28, 2009
ANNIVERSARIES...
Today is my 26th Wedding Anniversary.. Happy Anniversary baby....it is also the 6th Anniversary of my Mum's passing...I still miss her..because we lived so far apart and I didn't see her very often it was very very difficult for me to accept that she really was gone..I just kept thinking of her in the way that I think of all my family..I usually think of them several times a day.. I will look at the time and figure out what time it is in England and think about what they might be doing..It didn't really hit me until I went home last year and she wasn't there at the airport..or at their house.. and when I finally saw her headstone it hit me..she really was dead...it was very hard for me.. we didn't have the best of relationships..my Mum had issues..I think in all honesty she suffered from depression and definitely went through something when she hit menopause.. I wonder what she may have been like if she got help..she was sooooooooooooooo moody and bitchy and mostly took it out on me.. that is why when I act that way I am terrified I am turning in to her.. the one way to totally piss me off is to say I am acting like my Mother..which Dh will do if he really really wants to get to me... We did get along better later in life..when I had moved away.. but she still took things out on me..I remember one fo the the last times I was home she hit me across the face in front of my kids.. my daughter screamed at her to stop..my dad was mortified and everyone got to see how it was growing up in my house.. the only good thing that came out of it was the fact that I was and still am determined to have a better relationship with my own daughter.. and I am so happy to say that we are best friends.. I don't always agree with her choices but I do not judge her or give her ultimatums.. I love her unconditionally....I can only remember my Mum telling me she loved me maybe twice in my whole life...one was when I saw her last before her illness.. I am grateful for that... so Mum you may be gone but you are not forgotten.. and I forgive you for everything.. I know you did the best you could and you loved me in your own way....good night god bless.......
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
31 comments:
Very poignant post. A mothers love is something I think we all crave. I am determined not to be like my mum. Love her as I do she drives me mental.
Go hug your daughter and tell her you love her. I know I will with K.
Happy Anniversary! I hope it will be a happy day for you and your hubby. Those memories you have of your mom are some sorry ones for sure. Try to put them where they belong...buried with the past and just enjoy your special day!
Wow what a bittersweet day. Happy anniversary to you and your husband.
Oh Lyn that was sad ,A very Happy Aniversary to you and Lester ..love Jan xx
happy anniversary. Enjoy your day. The memories of your mum put them to rest with her.
Happy anniversary you two! And thanks for sharing about your mum.
love, Angie, xx
Have very, very happy anniversary!
If you guys go out and celebrate, let us know and take pictures. I hope it's a great anniversary!
I feel your pain about your mother. You sounded like a mature daughter, trying to be objective right in the middle of insanity.
I have one sounds very similar. Mine's still alive though. Distance from poison people. That's the best way in my life.
Again, Have a very Happy Anniversary!
Oh hun, *hugs* That seriously got me teary eyed. I dont even know what to say. That was a touching & bittersweet entry. I know you love & miss your Mum dearly each & everyday. I know too as you said as well she did love you. Always hold on tight to that & to the good times and not the bad ones. Ty for being so open & sharing all that with us. You are amazing Mom to True Beauty. Im so glad your relationship with her is a good, special one. Happy Anniversary to you & hubby. have a love filled day xoxo
Hi Lyn! Firstly---congratulations on your 26th anniversary!! :)
Hugs to you---I can understand why you miss your mother. You love her unconditionally---the way you love your children. :) Julie
You just made tears come to my eyes. As Moms we don't always know what to do, but when you see someone else go through a difficult time, at least you have a guide map of what not to do.
Happy Anniversary to you and your husband.
L, I've heard many say their frustrated parents took things out on them & they are afraid they'd do the same. With you, I think it is a fear, but not a reality. You are wonderful to your children, and your friendship with your daughter is obvious-all parent/child relationships have some edge, but overall you are a great Mom, & your own Mom would be proud. I'm sure she loved you deeply but didn't have the coping skills- tools(or the medication) to deal with her problems. ~Mary
Happy Anniversary!! I hope you have something nice planned. It's our 21st anniversary today. Good day to get married.
Happy Anniversary! It's nice that you took something positive out of your relationship with your mother and used that whole experience as a "what not to do" with your own daughter.
Happy Anniversary!!
I feel your pain here, and can relate. The only way I get along with my dad is when he is far far away from me. When my oldest daughter was 3 he got upset at dinner and threw his plate of spaghetti accross the table at me and it nearly missed my daughter so after that I said, no way we are moving far away. And we did.
I dont know how to feel about my parents, my mom gave me away to my dad so she could do drugs in peace and my dad abused me for looking like my mother.
I cant say I "love" either one of them, but I forgive them being so stupid. If only they could have done better. For sure I have been the opposite of my parents, never in a million years would I treat my kids the way I was treated. Never.
My mom died 6 years ago also, and she was still in denial about how I was given away (she claimed I was taken, but I have all the court documents) We never did clear anything up. The lack of a mother my whole life has given this girly girl (me) a hard edge.
Oh, happy anniversary!!! You must write a blog about how you achieved this longevity, because you are a rare couple indeed to stay together so long!
Happy anniversary to your and your husband and I am glad you have gotten to a point where you can forgive your mom. Maybe her purpose was to help you work hard at being a great mom.
Happy Anniversary...I'm glad you are able to have a wonderful relationship with your daughter. Take care, Sheila
My Dearest Lyn, I see this was written in the morning some time ago and I just wanted to send you a big HUG today.
We as Mother's have such an influence on our children...and as I often reflect on myself and my adoption I know that I am the gal I am today because of my Mom's influence on my life...as short as it was...
I appreciate that you have been able to forgive your Mom and that is the first step to healing in a relationship no matter how tough it was.
I do believe the PMS and such can literally change the whole psychie (sp) of an individual.
The first experience I had with this was in regards to my Hubby's step-mother and now we believe this is what she suffered as she would become a Jeykll-Hyde personality.
I had to chuckle when my baby (coming 39) commented on her reaction one day when she said "oh that is just like my mother"....I do not think it was a total negative thought but truthfully we can become like our parents either in a positive or negative way BUT with the Lord's help that can be changed.
A belated Happy Anniversary to you and your Hubby. I am excited to be celebrating our 45th. this summertime. I think RUBY is the gift although personally I just like a card.
Sending blessings
ALBERTA Lori
Happy Anniversary dear friend! It's amazing how we change the course of our daughter's lives by being determined not to be our mothers isn't it...(Hugs)Indigo
Happy Anniversary!!
It's amazing to me, how much we can determine NOT to be like our mothers! Nobody can ever tell me that I'm like mine, they have NO IDEA what she was like when I was growing up!! But thank God, things are MUCH better for us now.
I'm glad to see forgiveness in your heart for your mom, that's a blessing to YOU!!!
happy anniversary Lyn and sweetie hubby LOL...and well I think we all have times when we look back..and say to ourselves..why...why not...and what if...if only??? I believe this is a natural way of things...I know I do it...and if Mum said she loved you before she died...then she did...bigtime...maybe just had a hard time saying it from time to time...sheesh...I did ramble on didn't I...happy day girl...hugs...Ora
(((((((((((((love you)))))))))))))))
I truly understand, having a similar relationship with my mom...and look at the daughters they turned out!!! amazing!!!
xoxoxo
prp
Happy Anniversary Lynn!!! I too had a not so good relationship with my mom, she too was emotionally ill, and always took it out on me. I had to distance myself from her for long periods of time for my own mental well being.
So you live with many conflicted emotions. She passed on in 2001, it took me a long time to forgive her, but in the end I did, and hang on to the good memories.
Hope you had a nice anniversary, thank you for sharing!
Maire
Congrats on the anniversary and big hugs on missing your Mom. I have also experienced many slaps across the face as a child, but none as an adult. The last one was when I was in the 7th grade. I can remember the scene clearly and I slapped back as a natural reaction b/c it made me mad for someone to do this to my face. :-O. It was the last time it happened though. It is not a fond memory to remember any of this and how this makes you feel. And I think a lot of the things you do as far as hoping my relationship stays good with my daughter. So far it has far excelled. There is a trust and bond there and I know that she knows how much I truly love her. She has seen how it hurts me when she hurts and I don't overly criticize her for things. Except for driving - our relationship hits a little south there. She hates my backseat driving - oh and hates my laundry instructions too. ha!
Have a good day.
As I thought.......... Your'e a wonderful Mum.
Gaz xxxxx
I tagged you in another meme...only if you are interested though. :)
I have a stormy relationship with my mom as well. I'm sorry to hear about her passing. It's amazing how much hell a person can put us through but we can still find forgiveness. I guess deep down we know that not everyone is "all" bad. Take what you learned from her the good and the bad and apply to your life. That's what I have done with the loss of my sister.
Happy anniversary, friend.
Missy
Lyn.
I am so glad you found my blog.Please stop by anytime and add yourself to my Blogger Buddies,I pray that your heart begins to heal from the loss of your Mum.And you sound like a great MoTHER. Happy Anniversary to you.I pray you put it behind you and move forward and enjoy your Husband and Daugher,
Take Care and stop by soon
Hi Lyn,
So sorry I haven't been by in a while. Like you said, I think this blogging thing is dying a slow death.I don't post often enough to keep anyone interested anyway. LOL
Your journal always is so uplifting. You just seem to beam with all that Florida sunshine. Where is it in FL that you live again? Congrats on Ryan's graduation. You surea weren't kidding when you said how time has gone by in a flash. My oldest "boy" will be 36 in Sept. Our only daughter is 31 and our "baby boy" is going to be 28. Sigh. I think I need to lay down now. LOL We still have him & his 6 & 7 yr old daughters living here. They've been here 3 yrs now. He was working for the Railroad (like his dad & brother) and has gotten laid off. He almost bought a house last year and I'm SO glad he didn't. He hasn't worked since last Nov. We keep hoping the RR will pick up but it's not looking good. He's been looking for a job. I'd like to see him to go to school. He has his GI Bill & a place for him & his girls. Might as well why it's easy. School wasn't easy at all for him...I don't know if he would stick with college. That's HIS opinion. I think he could do it personally. I digress.
You're about to go on vacation? Where does one go on vacation from Paradise?? If I could lay off the sweets and lose enough weight not to scare people on the beach I'd like to go somewhere in the tropics. Hurricane season will be starting soon enough though.
As for Mother's Day...Happy Belated.Also Happy Belated 26th Anniversary. It's so rare that young people stay together these days. We'll be married 37 yrs in Aug. I'm so sorry about your ordeal with your Mom. Seems we all have our cross to bear, eh?
Father's Day is coming. I've lost both parents. My issues were with my Dad. He was an alcoholic all of my life, up until about 2 yrs before my Mom passed. He was a mean drunk & I was usually the one who got it taken out on. Whatever "it" was. LOL "It" didn't have to be anything with him...except that I was just a girl not anything like my only brother, the Golden Boy who could do NO wrong. It took till I was in my 30s until my mom could convince me that he didn't hate me. He just didn't know where to take his rage out. I don't think the man ever hit me when he was sober. Anyway, we grow. We learn-I HOPE I learned. Life goes on. We made our peace before he passed. Of course, living 500 miles away was a good escape. Well, it's late & again, sorry I don't come round more regularly. I really used to enjoy blogging. There are just a few I follow now. I had so many, it felt like a chore. Know what I mean?
Take good care. Hope FL dries out for you. We're drying up and about to blow away here in Tx. LOL Send US some of that rain.
Always, Barb (queenb)
You know LYN, you made me stop and think, I wished I had a better relationship with both of my folks. I still live at home but, they treat me like I am 15 still, They wont allow me to drive, yet they bitch that I need to get a job, How am I suppost to get a job when ones working and one is doing other things. We argue and she still treats me in ways like I am 15 years old, I have wrote about it in a couple past entries if you havent read it. ( lol ) BUT, IDK I just wished she would treat me like I am 25 and not like I am 15. I doubt that will ever happen I will always be treated like I am 15 by them :(
-- Christopher
http://life-accordingtochristopher.blogspot.com/
Post a Comment