Hubby and I had a huge fight last night and he said some of the most hurtful things he has had ever said to me and I feel absolutely hurt to my very core...it as if he has been building all this up inside and just spewed his hatred of me out..if he meant a third of what he said about me last night then I honestly do not know what will become of us. I am only writing this post as documentation. We hardly ever fight...we may have a cross word here or there but we rarely get into it the way we did last night....some of what he said was done purely to hurt me...I was called fat..a bitch..he said no one likes me..that I am a miserable person..that I am negative...lazy...that my kids hate me...like I said most of it was said in an attempt to hurt me but from what place do words like that come from??...somewhere very very dark and evil..and not anywhere I wish to be...
This morning my heart is very heavy and I am just so so sad...to make matters worse we have family in town and tomorrow we are having a huge cook out/going away party for him and now I have to face all these people when all I want to do is curl up in a ball and cry....
Even if he only said it to hurt me part of me believes that I am that way and that scares me...
L
32 comments:
I would try to get to the bottom of why he said those things. Is there something worrying him, something you do not know about? Something has to be behind all this. As for the family, I personally would not try to hide your hurt and put on a brave face. If I was asked what was wrong, I would tell them pure and simple. Things need to be brought out into the open if you are to go forward together.
Stress does alot of things to people and as he is leaving again I would think that is part of the problem. So sorry that had to happen. I cannot imagine having someone I love speak to me like that. Hugs to you dear friend. Take heart and don't get discouraged. Enjoy your family and try to keep up your spirits. I'm sure a good talk with your hubby will do worlds of good. I will be praying all is well and resolved.
Big big hugs for ya...please go take the time privately & find out where all this is coming from..maybe this deployement is troubling him more than he wants you to know..big big hugs again!
LYn, I am so sorry to read this. I think you guys need to sit down and get to the bottom of what this is about before you do anything else. How hurt you must be. Those are some very, very hurtful words and so needless. They are not true Lyn, absolutely not true, and don't you ever think that they are. You are a fabulous person and much loved, which is very apparent from every picture I've ever seen. I send love and hugs from across the pond. ((((hugs))))
PS and prayers.
HUGS... those are NOT ok words to say somebody EVER. I hope you're able to get through this nastiness.
Oh my dear friend. Here is a hug. I know for Rusty and I we would fight before a deployment. Deployments are just hard and full of stress. Maybe he is just taking it all out on you. That does not make it right.
I want to pick up the phone and call you, but my phone got hit by a wave yesterday, and I don't want to call when everyone is there. So, from one military wife to another, stay strong and remember that you are loved and that you are not alone.
OH! One last thing. When are you coming for a visit? You can stay here.
Kelli
Lyn, I'm so sorry to hear about this blow up..
When my daughter was a teenager, her teacher told met that for some kids, it's easier to seperate from their parents if they are angry..
Maybe this is simular to that.
I agree that this deployment may be hitting him more than even he knows..
You have a wonderful marriage, don't let one nasty event tarnish it.
That being said, let him know that he is not allowed to talk so degrading to you:)
Many Hugs and prayers,
Sheri
(( Lyn ))
I agree with everyone else, I think its stress.. I think the OLD MAN is facing his fear that hes going to be gone for a long time and that you know its so stressful that you guys finally blew your tops last night and it all overboiled.
Me and my mother are that way right now, we have been screaming yelling cursing cause we are so stressed out. I love my mother to death and would do anything for her but since my old man got hospitalized Monday for his heart attack and MSRA me and mom have been alone and its stressful having to do more things on top of what were use to doing without him being home!
I would call the whole thing off untill you find out what the old mans's beef is and untill he apologises!
If you need me you know where I am on facebook or email or IM
CWM480@AOL.COM
xtra hugs your way!
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox
-- Christopher
http://life-accordingtochristopher.blogspot.com/
Oh Lyn... I am so sorry... I hope it is just some screwed up result of his stress and all...I am praying and sending cyber hugs.
be well...
"We always hurt the one we love, the one we shouldn't hurt at all......". I think he said those things because you were there, you were you, and he needed to let off steam.
YOU know you love the very bones of him and so does he really but he's frightened too. Two years is a long time; maybe his outburst came because he is so frightened of what such a time might do to your marriage that he's trying to give you a reason to NOT love him.
I don't believe he meant any of those things and even now he's hating himself even more than you're hurting. I would ask the family not to come. Tell them you have the dreaded lurgy or something.
Don't let it fester Lyn, please don't let it fester.
with love, Angie, xx
Lyn everyone at some point says things they dont really mean, and its possible he was just being very negative that day from stress or his impending deployment or whatever it was. Its not ok to treat someone that way and say those things though so whether he meant it or was blowing off steam, he needs to eventually apologize and promise not to do this again. Since he is not usually like that, I'd find out what the REAL issue is, what really caused his blowup. (Its not YOU, you're not the problem, no matter what he said his blowup is something else)
I read somewhere that when people are mean, all the things they say are really how they feel about themselves. So if he called you negative and fat....internally he feels those things about himself. Think of it that way and you wont be hurt, you will actually begin to feel sorry for his obvious insecurities. I'm serious! Just imagine thats how he feels about himself and KNOW it.
You KNOW you are not the things he said. So why did he say them? He feels that ugly about himself and you are the safest person to attack (the next person would be himself).
Have the party and prove him wrong with your positive, fantastic, loveable self...
Oh Lyn! I'm so sorry! Ya know.....when people are stressed and worried or even scared, they tend to take out their feelings on the ones they love. Why?? Because they know they can say what they need to say (whether its true or not) and they know we won't leave.
I'm not making excuses for him, just giving you an idea of what might be going on with him.
I think you should have a private conversation with him and talk about the things he said to you and let him kmow how much it hurt you.
Sending you hugs!!
Awwww Lyn, Sending Hugs your way xx Lisa
(((((((lyn))))))))))))
It's prolly just the stress of going to be away from you for a long time chances are he didn't mean it hang in there prayers to youanmd your family
Melanie
Not sure what to say, stress is not a reason to degrade someone. I agree that you need to talk it out, but it needs to be on your terms. As for family, do what your heart says, and if that is to not be there, send you love and condolences, and do what you need to do for yourself.
You know Lyn a 25 year marriage is something to be proud of - so much love and commitment over all those years. And you need to remember that right now. When we are scared (and yes even men get scared) we say things we dont mean and usually to those we love the most.
YOU know it was completely out of character for your hubby to say such things and you know they are not true. And thats why it hurts so much.
Remember his love is still there - he is just having trouble expressing it right now.
Hugs from across the pond
Jane
xxxx
I am so sorry to read this.
If a man said things like that to me early on I would leave him.
But what do you do when this rarely happens or if you've never heard him say things before after all these years and children ?
I wish I had something helpful to say, but I have never even been married or in a long relationship like you have.
But I do think it's scary, and I hope you feel better soon.
Hey Lyn,
I am so sorry that you are going through some things with your husband. Maybe you should talk to him about what happened. You might need some time to think. Maybe you should write down how you feel so you can think of what you might want to say to him. You should tell him how hurt you feel that he said things the way he did. I think it was wrong of him to hurt you but maybe he was worried about leaving and took it out on you. I hope things turn around for you. Do take care and I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. You are a very sweet person.
Lyn,
Not much more I can add with all the other comments, other than I I pray God will bring you both back together and heal the hurt.
I don't think it was cool how he spoke to you and it is not acceptable. It was mean spirited on his part, no two ways about it. Every couple disagrees, but there is a healthy way to do it without tearing each other down. I hope he will make things right with you and will be praying for you both.
I can read the hurt thru your words and I am so sorry you are going thru this with him leaving. I hope you both were able to get past it and mend fences before he departs.
Praying for you...and he needs glasses, you are definitely not fat. You're beautiful! Funny, Intelligent!
(((Lyn))) I'm so sorry to hear that you and hubby had such a fight! I hope he realizes what he's done, and apologizes, so that you both can straighten it all out.
Prayers being said for you two.
Words can cut so deeply. The one hearing I believe remembers them far longer than the one who spewed them out in anger or drunkeness.
Perhaps some letter writing while he is away will help you both heal and get to what he was actually trying to say to you.
Don't take all these ugly things to heart! What he says doesn't define you. But do reflect and pray upon whether you are truly trying to be the wife God would have you to be, the one your husband needs you to be. If something is revealed to you...make changes. YOU are the only person you can ever change.
And perpare yourself and work to create a quiet and stress free environment where the two of you may talk calmly about all these feelings when he returns.
God bless you sweetie.
Oh god, Lyn. I'm so sorry. I guess the BBQ is over by now. How did it go hun? Everyone has said everything I could possibly say. All I can do is tell you to hang in there. Talk (if you can get him to.) Pray. I'm saying prayers for the hurt and the healing. People don't think sometimes and once it's out there, there is no taking it back. There is only forgiveness. Take care dear girl. You are an amzaing, stong and beautiful woman.
Hugs, Barb (queenb)
Lyn, I am so sorry to hear this. I hope things will work out with the two of you. That is hurtful things to do to anyone expectly the one you loved. >>HUGS2U<< Nancy
Oh Lyn, I`ve been through similar myself and I know how painful it is to hear words like that. There is probably much more to this and I doubt it was you that is bothering him deep down. It`s a cliche but it`s easier to hurt the one you love than face up to the real problem. You both have to talk to find out what is happening. take care.
Love and Hugs
Sandra xxxx
hugs to you my friend... I'm a bit behind but wanted to let some support. I would talk to him.. and no doubt he is stressed out with leaving once again... you know he loves you and that your kids love you
Hope the sadness has lifted..
I know how much those words sting
and it does take a lot of effort to
work through it.
Hang in there.!!
My heart goes to you in this dark spot. Remember that you are beautiful and vibrant and his ugliness comes from inside him- not you. After a year of marital counseling, oneofthe most useful bits of info (to me) is that we can only know what Is in our own heads and only responsible for ourselves. AND never engage when you both are agitated and upset. Gas on the fire and all that. Hope he has apologized and you are able to heal....I know that it may take awhile.
Just here to give a big hug. I'm sure lots of folks gave some good advice. I hope he and you have been able to work some things out. I'm thinking of you and praying for you both.
Just here to give a big hug. I'm sure lots of folks gave some good advice. I hope he and you have been able to work some things out. I'm thinking of you and praying for you both.
Hope things have been resolved now. people can say horrible things in the heat of the moment. Thinking of you xx
Lynn I'm so sorry...I hope he apologizes and you can both work through this
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